Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
Many
people
argue that money
is considered a factor to be happy in life
,
like it is the only main factor toward Remove the comma
apply
happiness
. Meanwhile, in my opinion, people
still can have a great life
consist
a lot of Wrong verb form
consisting of
happiness
even though they do not have a lot of money
,
because there are many Remove the comma
apply
aspecst
of Correct your spelling
aspects
life
that also
play a vital role in creating happiness
.
Although
having money
brings happiness
, it does not necessarily mean that people
with a small amount of money
are unhappy. For example
, the comparison between citizens in a developing country and developed countries
. It is true regarding the fact that people
earn a lot of income in developing countries
, but it is commonly said by those Westerners who life
, grew up, and Replace the word
live
pursue
a career in their country that Wrong verb form
pursued
people
in developing countries
appeared
to be Wrong verb form
appear
more
happier, Change the word
apply
moreover
, they also
have a stronger connection among members of their family thus
making them always stay together through ups and downs which is lead to a
gratitude for the simplicity of Remove the article
apply
life
than those in developed countries
.
Finally
, another factor influencing happiness
is by having supporting and loving people
in one’s life
. Those factors are commonly used as a benchmark to start living in a new place or choose to stay at one working place. For instance
, being surrounded by neighbourhoods is considered by most people
to be more valuable than any amount of money
, because they can get peace of mind and heart without any worries. Likewise
, to
working in a place, Change preposition
apply
it
will turn to job satisfaction if we have helpful colleagues and bosses.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
is indeed essential of
Change preposition
to
happiness
, but people
can also
reach those
Change the determiner
that happiness
happiness
from anywhere and any aspect of life
, such
as loving family, neighbour, and even job satisfaction.Submitted by baitynuris191 on
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task response
Ensure that your ideas are more closely aligned with the prompt and provide a clearer stance on the issue of money and happiness.
coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a more coherent and cohesive structure for your essay. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the overall topic and support the main argument.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate words to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. This will help to convey your ideas clearly and effectively.