IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centers #world
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Several reasons the most
people
 live in the major
city
 centres that
also
 is a major issue in whole countries. There are various reasons why
people
 choose to live in modern cities，but certain departments could certainly take steps to address
this
 issue. In my opinion, there are some main factors that are to blame for the way
people
 choose in the urban.
Firstly
, the
government
 pay more attention to and country’s finance in urban development in that they overlook the countryside, which means mostly countryside have much more lowest than modern cities.
Secondly
, compared with the countryside the modern
city
 can offer more employment opportunities and high income for young
people
, which can improve and to make their purpose.
Thirdly
,
people
 choose to go to the urban, which can offer more taxes for the
government
, and
government
 if they want
people
 choice live in the
city
 they will use the
money
 to develop some public services to make
people
 enjoy more resources than in rural areas.
For example
, education is important for
people
 who want to learn more knowledge, which can offer a new platform for them to earn
money
 and make a much better environment for the next generation. Modern cities have more pressure with overpopulation, which can certainly be improved. I believe that the changes must start with departments that need to be persuaded that it is important to set a policy for the urban residents. The main point is most
people
 choose the
city
, they want to earn more
money
,
therefore
, by giving some allowance if they choose to stay in the rural area,
such
 as extra
money
 each month give them. In conclusion, urban cities will continue to face pressure from the population,
government
 set some policies to make other
people
 choose to stay in the rural areas.
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. It's important to start with an introduction that outlines the upcoming discussion and finish with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position.
logical structure
Work on creating a logical flow within the essay. Individual points should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a single focus. Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more specific details and examples. Each point made in the essay should be explained and supported with facts, figures, or clear examples.
complete response
Address the essay question directly and ensure that the response is complete. Each part of the essay prompt should be addressed with equal clarity and depth, including both the causes of the problem and the potential solutions.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas need to be conveyed more clearly and comprehensively. Strive to fully develop the discussion with clear, direct statements and well-thought-out arguments.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples should be detailed and clearly related to the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
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