some people think individuals are more and more dependent on each other. some people think individuals are more and more independent. discuss both view and give your own opinion.

There was a debate on whether or not
people
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nowadays are more dependent on others.
This
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essay leans toward the individual’s
independence
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due to
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not only the
technology
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development
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
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social
competition
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. It is vital to acknowledge that
technology
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has fostered
independence
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in all aspects.
That is
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to say, if
people
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are supported by
technology
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, they will easily complete some works which need solidarity alone.
In addition
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, digital platforms have provided more accessibility for
people
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who need information in video or document formats to learn by themselves.
As a result
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,
individuals
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are more independent in working or other aspects by using
technology
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to stand on their own.
By contrast
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, those
people
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who prefer
individuals
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who are less independent often argue that they can learn experience
as well as
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knowledge from seniors. To put it simply,
people
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can easily learn from the mistakes of seniors or
people
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around them to learn a lesson without redoing it.
However
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, these experiences will be more effective when
individuals
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are exposed directly to the mistakes to assume their own experiences. In
this
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essay's opinion, social
competition
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is one of the factors that leads to more
independence
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,
In other words
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, today, a huge number of companies or industries which are got into trouble with post-Covid-19 pandemic have refiltered their employees to deal with
this
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global economic crisis.
Thus
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,
individuals
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have to show more about their abilities in order to compete with others.
Therefore
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,
this
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situation has raised social
competition
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which leads to more
independence
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from
individuals
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so that they can maintain their finances. In conclusion,
although
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the senior experience has brought
people
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together, the
technology
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development
as well as
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the social
competition
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have separated
individuals
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and increased their
independence
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.

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task achievement
While you have presented a clear opinion, try to develop your main points further with more examples or details to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas between paragraphs to improve coherence. This can be achieved by using more cohesive devices and transition words.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging, perhaps by presenting a broader context related to the topic before stating your opinion.
task achievement
You've effectively identified and discussed both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, which is well-articulated throughout the text.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
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