Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One
of the discussed issues nowadays is free time
activities for children
. Some believe that it will be better to give parents
organize exercises for their children
. Meanwhile, some think children
need to choose what they want to do by their self. I think that it will be better if parents
organize their children
's free time
.
On the one
hand, public who agree with the first statement thinks that, most people at a young age do not really care or think about their future lives. Because of that, they will spend all their free time
having fun and do not care about development. In that case, parents
who live more and know more can give children
the best activities, for having a good and educational time
. For example
, in the USA, where parents
have full control over their children
's free time
, scientists found that they have the biggest level of the public that achieves their aims in the smallest time
.
On the other hand
, people who agree with the second statement think that mostly children
who choose what to do at their free time
become independent by other help. That kind of children
will understand difficulties of life faster than other children
. Independent children
nowadays have the highest demand on society and also
in entrance for university. Such
as, one
of the best university of our life Harvard, have one
case to entrance. How this
people can be separate.
To sum up
, all mentioned , I come to the conclusion that children
who will more believe their parents
can achieve more and easier, than that child who will do all things in their life by themself.Submitted by aikumarbekarys on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, but it lacks a clear logical structure and well-supported main points. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Work on organizing your ideas more effectively and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
task response
Your essay partially responds to the task by presenting opinions on both sides of the issue, but it lacks depth and clear development of ideas. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
You have used a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and lack of precision. Try to use more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors in your essay, including verb tense and agreement issues. Make sure to review and revise your work for grammar accuracy. Consider varying your sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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