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Band 6

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
One
 of the discussed issues nowadays is free
time
 activities for
children
. Some believe that it will be better to give
parents
 organize exercises for their
children
. Meanwhile, some think
children
 need to choose what they want to do by their self. I think that it will be better if
parents
 organize their
children
's free
time
. On the
one
 hand, public who agree with the first statement thinks that, most people at a young age do not really care or think about their future lives. Because of that, they will spend all their free
time
 having fun and do not care about development. In that case,
parents
 who live more and know more can give
children
 the best activities, for having a good and educational
time
.
For example
, in the USA, where
parents
 have full control over their
children
's free
time
, scientists found that they have the biggest level of the public that achieves their aims in the smallest
time
.
On the other hand
, people who agree with the second statement think that mostly
children
 who choose what to do at their free
time
 become independent by other help. That kind of
children
 will understand difficulties of life faster than other
children
. Independent
children
 nowadays have the highest demand on society and
also
 in entrance for university.
Such
 as,
one
 of the best university of our life Harvard, have
one
 case to entrance. How
this
 people can be separate.
To sum up
, all mentioned , I come to the conclusion that
children
 who will more believe their
parents
 can achieve more and easier, than that child who will do all things in their life by themself.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, but it lacks a clear logical structure and well-supported main points. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Work on organizing your ideas more effectively and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
task response
Your essay partially responds to the task by presenting opinions on both sides of the issue, but it lacks depth and clear development of ideas. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
You have used a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and lack of precision. Try to use more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors in your essay, including verb tense and agreement issues. Make sure to review and revise your work for grammar accuracy. Consider varying your sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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