IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
One of the discussed issues nowadays is free
time
 activities for
children
. Some believe that it will be better to give
parents
 organize exercises for their
children
. Meanwhile, some think
children
 need to choose what they want to do by their self. I think that it will be better if
parents
organised
Wrong verb form
organise
show examples
 their
children
's free
time
. Most people at a little age do not really care or think about their future
life
. Because of that, they will spend all their free
time
 having fun and do not care about another thing. In that case,
parents
 who live more and know more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can give
children
 the best activities, for having a good and educational
time
.
For example
, in the USA, where
parents
 have full control over their
children
's free
time
, science found that they have the biggest level of the public that achieves their aims in the smallest
time
.
On the other hand
, most
children
 who choose what to do in their free
time
 become independent with other help. That kind of
children
 will understand the difficulties of
life
 faster than other
children
. Independent
children
 nowadays have the highest demand in society and
also
 in entrance to university.
Such
 as, one of the best university of our
life
 Harvard, have one case to enter. How
this
 person can be separated
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To sum up
, all mentioned , I come to the conclusion that
children
 who will more believe their
parents
 can achieve more and easier, than that childchildren who will do all things in their
life
 by themself.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Expand on your ideas by providing more specific examples and relevant evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas to enhance the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
lexical resource
Diversify your vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate language to express your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Work on your sentence structure, punctuation, and use of different grammatical structures to improve the overall quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: