IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

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In
this
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 contemporary era, visiting malls and buying things there
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
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a hobby in free time.
However
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,
that is
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 far different compared to the past.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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 I believe that
this
Linking Words
Replace the word
entertainment
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entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
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 may
bring
Verb problem
have
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 some bad
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on our future and in
this
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 essay, I discuss my reasons. If we search in history, we can understand that shopping was just a task for heads of family.
In contrast
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, in modern
life
Add a comma
life,
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 it has become
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
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 of fun for youngsters. Many shopping center has been built these days and their focus are on young people. Sellers try to make many advertisements with idols that shift children's minds to their product and with
this
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 method, they are increasing the rate of consumption.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
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 rates
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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in
Change preposition
apply
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our future badly and the world may face with lack of materials.
For example
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, companies of smartphones are trying to convince society to update their phones every year and in
this
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way
Use synonyms
, some elements
such
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 as
Litium
Correct your spelling
Lithium
 are going to be finished. The aforementioned points,
government
Add an article
the government
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 has to establish some new rules to prevent consumption. Another remarkable point is that
this
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 trend can change the standard of behaviour. Society might change their relationship criteria and replace them with parameters that come from shopping. As an example, nowadays fathers have to by most high-tech products for their children as a
way
Use synonyms
 to some their love.
Although
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 it is not the main
way
Use synonyms
 of expressing of feeling of love, it shows a problem that may bigger in future and it can affect our personal lives.
To sum up
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, a surfing shopping centre is a novel
way
Use synonyms
 to have a good free time
however
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 it can cause issues for human life
such
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 as a lack of elements and some difficulties in our relationships.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on the positive/negative aspects of shopping as a hobby. The response needs to provide a clear opinion and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the logical structure of the ideas is somewhat disorganized. There is a need for clearer topic sentences and a more coherent progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is somewhat limited, and the use of vocabulary and collocations is not fully appropriate for academic writing. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choice.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including problems with tense usage, sentence structure, and word choice. A more varied and accurate use of grammar is necessary for a higher score on this criterion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • retail therapy
  • materialism
  • disposable income
  • economic growth
  • financial instability
  • environmental impact
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • emotional satisfaction
  • advertising influence
  • shopping habits
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