In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
In
this
contemporary era, visiting malls and buying things there consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
as
a hobby in free time.Change preposition
apply
However
, that is
far different compared to the past. Personally
I believe that Add a comma
Personally,
this
Replace the word
entertainment
entertain
may Replace the word
entertainment
bring
some bad Verb problem
have
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
effect
on our future and in Fix the agreement mistake
effects
this
essay, I discuss my reasons.
If we search in history, we can understand that shopping was just a task for heads of family. In contrast
, in modern life
it has become Add a comma
life,
kind
of fun for youngsters. Many shopping center has been built these days and their focus are on young people. Sellers try to make many advertisements with idols that shift children's minds to their product and with Correct article usage
a kind
this
method, they are increasing the rate of consumption. This
rates Correct determiner usage
These
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
in
our future badly and the world may face with lack of materials. Change preposition
apply
For example
, companies of smartphones are trying to convince society to update their phones every year and in this
way
, some elements such
as Litium
are going to be finished. The aforementioned points, Correct your spelling
Lithium
government
has to establish some new rules to prevent consumption.
Another remarkable point is that Add an article
the government
this
trend can change the standard of behaviour. Society might change their relationship criteria and replace them with parameters that come from shopping. As an example, nowadays fathers have to by most high-tech products for their children as a way
to some their love. Although
it is not the main way
of expressing of feeling of love, it shows a problem that may bigger in future and it can affect our personal lives.
To sum up
, a surfing shopping centre is a novel way
to have a good free time however
it can cause issues for human life such
as a lack of elements and some difficulties in our relationships.Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on
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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position on the positive/negative aspects of shopping as a hobby. The response needs to provide a clear opinion and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the logical structure of the ideas is somewhat disorganized. There is a need for clearer topic sentences and a more coherent progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is somewhat limited, and the use of vocabulary and collocations is not fully appropriate for academic writing. The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choice.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including problems with tense usage, sentence structure, and word choice. A more varied and accurate use of grammar is necessary for a higher score on this criterion.