IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people says that it is a waste of public money to spend on cultural events, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #waste #money #events
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Nowadays, we can find that the government use its financial fund to organize some cultural
events
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. Some individuals argue that spending public
money
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 on cultural activities is a waste,
however
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, others disagree with
this
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 statement. I will elaborate on the reasons for both viewpoints and
also
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 raise my own perspective in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, people do not agree to utilize public funds for cultural
events
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 since they think the
money
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 should be spent on programs which are highly relevant to improving people’s living standards. Generally, ordinary people only care whether the programs can benefit their lives, and most forks do not have time and interest to join the cultural
events
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.
Therefore
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, they deem organizing cultural
events
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 a waste of
money
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.
For instance
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, the majority of parents are busy raising their children, and they definitely choose to invest in public funds to have a better after-school care service rather than spending
money
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 on musical festivals.
On the other hand
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, I support these people who do not agree it is a waste of public
money
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 to organize cultural
events
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.
Firstly
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, it can boost the local economy
due to
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 the creation of cultural
events
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. It can be easily seen that some commercial activities
such
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 as sales promotion and event products will be produced by businessmen, and
as a result
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, it increases the income of local businesses.
Secondly
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, cultural
events
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such
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 as traditional festival celebrations and art exhibitions can help local residents to increase their cultural knowledge and widen their horizons by joining the
events
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. In conclusion,
although
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 we should prioritize public
money
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 on projects which are beneficial to citizen’s living standards, the potential profits of cultural
events
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 should not be overlooked.
Submitted by shaojiedang on

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task response
Ensure that the examples provided are relevant and specific to enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices such as transition words and linking phrases to improve the overall flow and coherence of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a variety of expressions to enrich the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range
Work on using complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocating
  • pressing needs
  • prioritized
  • non-essential
  • luxury
  • taxpayers' money
  • economic hardship
  • underfunded
  • proponents
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • boosting tourism
  • enrich
  • educational opportunities
  • fostering
  • sense of pride
  • encouraging unity
  • diverse groups
  • positive economic impact
  • attracting tourists
  • stimulating local economies
  • foundational sectors
  • adequately funded
  • integral part
  • nation's identity
  • accessible platform
  • engaging with
  • appreciating
  • returns
  • initial investment
  • worthwhile
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