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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #child #education #effects #children
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There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether competitive
sport
Use synonyms
 is important for a child's education or it has a negative impact. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and present my opinion.
Firstly
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, competitive
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 can help improve your courage and solve a lot of issues.
For example
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, If you have problems with your confidence or
struggles
Correct subject-verb agreement
struggle
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 with mental health, in
competitive
Add an article
the competitive
a competitive
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sport
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 you can learn to get over it, because when a person takes part in different competitions, his confidence levels increase and a person learns how to cope with stress.
As a result
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, a person becomes versatile and resistant to difficulties.
Secondly
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, participating in competitive sports could have a positive impact on your future.
For instance
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, a successful career in basketball can lead you to top universities or open the doors to your dream job.
Consequently
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, your efforts now could ensure your future.
However
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, competitive
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 can cause a lot of different traumas both mental and physical.
For example
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, in martial
arts
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arts,
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 a lot of sportsmen suffer from psychological traumas and they cannot live normal lives. In conclusion, competitive
sport
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 has both sides, but I believe,
tj
Correct your spelling
TJ
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Submitted by oimigle on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure, which makes it difficult to follow the arguments presented. The writer should focus on creating logical transitions and a systematic arrangement of ideas.
task achievement
The essay does not provide a complete response as it ends abruptly, indicating it may be unfinished. It is critical that the introduction and conclusion are fully developed to encapsulate the essay's main points.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported, but it would be beneficial to develop these points further with a wider range of examples and a deeper analysis of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are relevant and the use of examples is good, but the clarity of the discussion can be improved by more comprehensive explanations and a more assertive expression of the writer's opinion toward the end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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