In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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It has recently been found that
people
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from the countryside are moving to
cities
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,
that is
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why the population of rural
people
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is decreasing. In my opinion, there are some advantages, but
also
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some backwards. Personally, I think that migration from
countryside
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the countryside
show examples
to
cities
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is an indicator of economic progress. Nowadays
cities
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give more opportunities to
people
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, better education, more modern hospitals, and many new infrastructure. It is evident that rural
people
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see it. On the one hand,
that is
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good that all rural
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people
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people's
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needs can be provided
bu
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by
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the
city
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.
Firstly
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,
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the states
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states
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state's
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economy is growing, because many
work places
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workplaces
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appears
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appear
show examples
, companies, new infrastructure, and many new cafes and restaurants.
On the other hand
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, rural areas are losing their human resources, so these areas are not able to progress,
also
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there is a problem of overpopulation in
cities
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it
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which
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can
couse
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cause
to
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apply
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such
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problems
like
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as
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traffic
jam
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jams
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and crowded buses.
Thus
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, in
short
Correct article usage
a short
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period migration from rural areas to
cities
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might develop
economy
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the economy
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, but in
long
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a long
the long
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period,
i
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I
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think
will
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there will
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apear
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appear
lack
or
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of
show examples
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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.
To sum up
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, if the population is too high for a
city
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, it will make the
city
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a bad place to live. Meanwhile, decreasing
countryside
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the countryside
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population will make a lot of places undeveloped.
However
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, some think that it is good for
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the econemy
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econemy
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economy
if there are more
people
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live
Wrong verb form
living
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in the
city
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, but it is only
benefital
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beneficial
in
short
Correct article usage
the short
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term.
Therefore
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, I think more
people
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live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
in
cities
Use synonyms
is a bad development.
Submitted by mrtwaterr on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the question, but the response lacks full development and does not explore the implications of the issues in depth. The candidate should focus on expanding their ideas and providing more detailed examples.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure, but it lacks clear transitions and logical sequencing of ideas, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The candidate should improve their use of cohesive devices and paragraph organization.
lexical resource and grammatical range
The essay could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and accurate use of grammar. Errors in word choice and grammar are noticeable and can occasionally impede understanding. To improve, the candidate should focus on learning more sophisticated vocabulary and refining their grammatical structures.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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