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Band 4.5

The NRA believe more guns make the country safer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#nra #guns #country
There has been a constant debate between high commands of different countries that deploying more guns can make them safer. There is no doubt, they should
equiped
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equip
equipped
 themselves with quality
weapons
 to save themselves when
need
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the need
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arrises
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arises
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,
however
, I believe that the nations should invest in other techniques too rather than just focussing on these violent means.
To begin
 with,
world
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the world
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 is facing diverse threats these days
such
 as
cyber attacks
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cyber-attacks
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, hijacking of buildings or
aircrafts
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aircraft
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 and so on. To cope
up
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with
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such
 things, there should be an intelligent team who could be able to identify these issues and provide solutions to the matter immediately, as if official computers of any administration
has
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have
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 been hijacked
it
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they
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 can have huge
confedential
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confidential
 data which can cause economic loss to them. In
this
 scenario,
weapons
 can be of no
use
.
Similary
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Similarly
, hijacking of
aircrafts
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aircraft
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 or other buildings can be avoided
at
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in
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first
Add an article
the first
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 place if we have teams who could be able to identify intruders.
Secondly
, the special
taskforce
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task force
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 teams should be trained first and should be able to
use
 armed
weapons
 properly. These guns are of no
use
 if handed over to a person who is unaware to
use
it
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them
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 properly. The governments should invest in proper training academies
who
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that
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 could provide training to people
slected
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selected
 specially for
particulars
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particular
show examples
 tasks. In sum
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apply
show examples
up
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apply
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, I can reaffirm that buying unnecessary guns or
weapons
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is
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are
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is
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 not required until we
do not
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apply
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have other technologies which are
becomming
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becoming
 increasingly essential and training
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apply
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of
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apply
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those who could
use
 these
weapons
 effectively or efficiently.
Submitted by simranjeetkaur.86.68 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay with consistent arguments that directly address the topic of gun safety and the NRA's stance. Your essay often deviates from the prompt and discusses a wider array of security measures rather than focusing on the issue of guns in society.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical flow and transitions between ideas for better readability. The current structure occasionally lacks clarity and coherence, leading to difficulty in following the argument.
lexical resource
Use a broader range of vocabulary specific to the topic of gun control and safety, avoiding repetition and demonstrating a precise understanding of the subject matter.
grammatical range
Enhance grammatical range by varying sentence structures and using complex grammatical constructions accurately to articulate points more effectively. Watch for errors in tense, plurals, and subject-verb agreement that can hinder comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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