Nowadays, celebrities are more known for their glamour and wealth than their accomplishments and this is setting a bad example for the youngsters. Do you agree or disgaree with the statement ?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #accomplishments #youngsters #disgaree

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In these

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These

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days, success does not make

the

Correct article usage

apply

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celebrities

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to be well known, but they are known as they are affluent and charming.

However

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, some people think

this

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circumstance exemplifies wrongly to the adolescents. In my perspective, it is true that imitating these

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celebrities

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celebrities'

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lavish lives is harmful

for

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the

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apply

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susceptible teenagers as it might set them incorrect goals in life.

Although

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there are advantages, the number of disadvantages is obviously higher which the effect of them is a serious issue.

To begin

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with, imitating

celebrities

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might stimulate

the

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apply

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youngsters to be more enthusiastic in school as they

want

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want to

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have jobs and earn as much money as possible to be able to purchase the same goods as the

celebrities

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they admire.

Furthermore

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, it might encourage the young individuals to do exercise as they want to be in

shaped

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shape

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and look good like the

celebrities

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However

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, the portion of teenagers who think like

this

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is very tiny.

Thus

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, it tends to set bad examples

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for

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the

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apply

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adolescents who are mentally vulnerable and easily

to be

Verb problem

apply

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influenced. As

the

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apply

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celebrities

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like to post their lavish lives on social

medias

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media

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, it makes the kids feel jealous;

hence

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, they waste their parents' money

with

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unnecessary things

such

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as cosmetics and gadgets, but they just want to spend not earn.

Thus

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, it might make them have a difficult time in the future when they have to face the actual world which is not as exquisite and straightforward as they think.

Additionally

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, some young individuals who are jealous of the appearance of

the

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apply

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celebrities

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might attempt to do an illegal surgery as it is a lot cheaper;

nonetheless

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, it definitely poses serious health problems. Some teenagers might have fake braces which can cause wrong teeth arrangement, and they might lose them for eternity. In summary, it depends on the individual how they would

they

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apply

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do in order to have a really good life like the

celebrities

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However

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, as

adolecents

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adolescents

are still immature, they would choose the fastest and easiest way which

are

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always wrong.

Therefore

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celebrities

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behaviors

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behaviours

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tend to set bad examples, and it

is leading

Wrong verb form

leads

show examples

the

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apply

show examples

youngsters to the wrong way of life.

Submitted by dondollaraus on Thu Nov 16 2023

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coherence and cohesion

You should ensure the logical progression of your points and provide a more balanced argument by showcasing both sides in a more structured manner, thus allowing your essay to flow more seamlessly.

task achievement

Expand upon your main points with further explanations and more varied examples that directly relate to the question, demonstrating a critical understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Whilst you have addressed the question, ensure that your ideas are fully developed and the position taken is consistent throughout the essay. You should engage more deeply with the question and provide a clear opinion, making sure it is evident within all parts of your essay.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

358 words

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Nowadays, celebrities are more known for their glamour and wealth than their accomplishments and this is setting a bad example for the youngsters. Do you agree or disgaree with the statement ?

Problem: International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local habitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it leads to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Government investment in the arts, such as music and museum, is a wast of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement?