IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think educated people more valuable than people who learned skills through experience Do you think educated people are more valuable for society? What kind of skill can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that academic
individuals
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial to
society
Use synonyms
 compared to skilled
people
Use synonyms
. I believe
both
Use synonyms
 educated
individuals
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 with practical
skills
Use synonyms
 are equally important for the community. In the following, we will discuss the most crucial advantages of schooled
people
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 spotlight the pivotal practical
skills
Use synonyms
 that make a tremendous impact on
society
Use synonyms
. One of the most substantial roles of educated
people
Use synonyms
 is nurturing and upbringing the next generations. In fact, academic
people
Use synonyms
 have the knowledge and the theoretical information they need to raise responsible generations.
Hence
Linking Words
, they are important to sustain and improve the educational process.
Moreover
Linking Words
,they play a significant role in solving many societal problems and environmental challenges because they possess scientific approaches to handling many difficult situations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, enhancing the economy of the country by introducing new innovations and discoveries is
also
Linking Words
 a significant impact that academic persons can make. Turning to the discussion of
skills
Use synonyms
 learned from experience, there are many crucial abilities,
such
Linking Words
 as communication
skills
Use synonyms
, leadership
skills
Use synonyms
, resilience, and perseverance, that are often overlooked in traditional schooling systems.Effective communication abilities can be acquired through exposure to
individuals
Use synonyms
 from diverse backgrounds and improved through real-life situations.
This
Linking Words
 skill contributes to fostering unity and harmony among the population, thereby enhancing productivity within the community. Undoubtedly, leadership abilities cannot be learned in conventional educational programs; they require specific training programs and engagement in real-life experiences.
Consequently
Linking Words
, effective leaders can influence the population to create positive changes and contribute to the development of
society
Use synonyms
. Considering the profound impacts of these practical
skills
Use synonyms
, we cannot underscore the role of skilled human beings compared to educated
people
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 of them play a substantive role in the country.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 educated
people
Use synonyms
 and skilled
people
Use synonyms
 make significant impacts on
society
Use synonyms
. Educated
people
Use synonyms
 bear the responsibility of nurturing the next generations,solving societal problems, and introducing new innovations. Meanwhile, skilled persons create effective communication channels inside the community and can influence the population towards improving their selves. For these reasons, I strongly believe educated
individuals
Use synonyms
 are not more important than skilled persons.
Both
Use synonyms
 of them can position the country in a brighter and more prosperous future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument with relevant examples. Although you made good points, consider adding more specific real-life examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs for enhanced cohesion. Your essay shows good logical structure and paragraphing, but consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
Enhance your lexical resource by employing a greater variety of vocabulary and avoiding unnecessary repetition of words and phrases. Using synonyms and more complex vocabulary can elevate your writing.
Grammatical Range
Demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and sentence varieties to enrich your writing. While your grammar is generally good, consider varying your sentence structures more to showcase your language command.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nuanced debate
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • innovations
  • intellectual growth
  • economi... Read Morec growth
  • practical skills
  • adaptability
  • hands-on problem-solving
  • skilled tradespeople
  • artisans
  • entrepreneurs
  • experiential learning
  • deep understanding
  • efficiency
  • niche markets
  • trial and error
  • community-based solutions
  • analytical thinking
  • foundation for future learning
  • creativity
  • balanced appreciation
  • well-rounded
  • innovative
  • functional society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: