In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary society, there
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
trendceny
Correct your spelling
trend
that
people
who live in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
start moving to
cities
,
cause
Correct your spelling
because
show examples
the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population in different areas
became
Verb problem
has
show examples
significantly changed
recent
Change the adjective
recently
show examples
. In the following essay, I will explain why I think
this
situation is more negative in several
perspative
Correct your spelling
perspective
perspectives
, and give the
conslution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
in the end. On the one hand, it is understandable that the main reason
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
issue, is there are
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
and
less career
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer careers
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
Add a missing verb
be chosed
show examples
chosed
Correct your spelling
chosen
in the rural fields. Let's give it a sample,
people
who just graduated from high school or university,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to
living
Change the verb
live
show examples
in big
cities
if they want to find good
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in bigger companies.
However
, if every young
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
their hometown in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
, the population in urban will notional increase,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
will lead the city overload in many aspects.
For example
,
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
will be tough
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because when
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to use
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more and more, that might lead
traffic
Fix the infinitive
to traffic
show examples
more happen.
Secondly
,
turn
Wrong verb form
turning
show examples
to
rural
Add an article
the rural
show examples
side, the
indrustry
Correct your spelling
industry
like agriculture
Add a missing verb
is difnatly
show examples
difnatly
Correct your spelling
deftly
inflanced
Correct your spelling
influenced
by
this
issue.
Whereas
the
argiculuture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
is important elemental to a country, so when we lose
people
to willing to contribute in
this
area, that might
inflance
Correct your spelling
influence
our eating in daily life. In my conlouse, the trend that
people
flow from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
to
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
development, because the population increase in urban
cities
will cause the
cities
too busy, the lack of
people
in rural areas will crush the
esstantal
Correct your spelling
constant
of
human-being
Correct your spelling
human
show examples
like eating.
Submitted by bookcool5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and thematic progression, making it difficult to follow the argument at times. Work on organizing ideas more clearly and using paragraphs effectively to separate different points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and restate the main points of the essay effectively. This structural clarity is vital for the reader's understanding of your position.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are supported by examples, but they could be developed further to explain how they relate to the main argument directly. Aim for depth and clarity when explaining the reasons and consequences of the rural-urban migration.
task achievement
Although the essay responds to the topic, it needs a more complete answer that fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. Make sure that each paragraph contributes to a comprehensive exploration of the issue.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay are relevant, but there is a need for clearer expression and development. Expand upon your ideas to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic, and be sure to connect them back to the question more explicitly.
task achievement
While some examples are provided, incorporating a wider range of specific and relevant examples would strengthen the essay and help illustrate your points more effectively. Try to use real-world instances or hypothetical situations that directly reinforce your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: