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Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
Nowadays people are living longer compared to the past.
Therefore
, some people believe that the elderly create massive disadvantage problems for governments
while
 others think they provide societal advantages.
However
, the multitude of ageing populations might contribute beneficial kinds of stuff.
Thus
, in
this
 essay, I will debate these stances. On the one hand, the older
population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 undeniably dozens of benefits to society. As an example, thanks to them the community have access to first-hand and factual vital historical pieces of information
due to
 witnessed people.
Furthermore
, the older generation supplies wisdom and experience to their grandchildren to strengthen the intergenerational bond. Because of the fact that the older
population
 of countries is ensuring essential knowledge they are crucial.
In addition
, they maintain a
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force contributing
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 boosting the economy through consumer spending.
On the other hand
, the aged
population
 has some downsides for governments.
For instance
, the government should provide a huge healthcare and support system for the elderly and must take care of them. To present a better explanation, they must allocate large amounts of money for them
instead
 of youngsters,
however
, most of the administration
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not support
this
 circumstance because they want to invest young
population
 for the future of their country but despite the disadvantaged situations, advantaged ones are more efficient.
As a result
, there are downsides
as well as
 upsides, yet, when we look at the big picture advantages of having an ageing crowd can bring many merits to countries in every aspect and outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by Ilgım on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical coherence by more clearly delineating paragraphs and providing clear topic sentences for each. Try to develop a more structured argument within paragraphs, moving from a topic sentence to supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that reinforces the paragraph's main point.
Task Achievement
Although the response addresses the task, the writer should focus on elaborating the ideas with more depth and providing a balanced argument with clear development of ideas. Try to cover both advantages and disadvantages more thoroughly to meet the requirements of the task.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows an adequate range of vocabulary but can be improved by using a wider variety of expressions and more precise terms related to the topic. Avoid repetition of phrases and aim to express ideas more concisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While the essay demonstrates a sufficient range of grammatical structures, occasional errors are present. Practice using a variety of complex sentence structures accurately and check for subject-verb agreement and proper tense usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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