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Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Taking daring steps in life has a profound impact on people
,
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apply
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like
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because
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 they can bring boldness and personal growth;
however
, they can be disadvantageous because they cause health dilemmas, losses, and deaths. In my perspective, demerits exceed merits since they are far more serious, as mentioned earlier. Those who are risk-takers experience some strengths, like being courageous and holding personal skills.
For example
, in Pakistan, various students, after passing their 12th grade, take an entry test for medicine and engineering. The majority of them fail the exam and decide to retake it after a year off and succeed in it;
thus
, it prompts them. Adding
further
, various tourists love adventurous places, like climbing on the top of mountains or going deep down the seas and oceans, which might be hazardous,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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this
 gives growth to their personalities because they explore exceptional places and learn many things from them.
However
, these people
also
 endure challenges in life, which include health problems like stress, anxiety
due to
 failure, loss of finances, and even death.
For example
, people take the risk of getting into a partnership to expand their business, and they are sometimes deceived by their shareholders, who may lose their money.
Moreover
, many students, after retaking tests, fail them, go into serious depression, and commit suicide.
Furthermore
, tourists who voyage to jeopardized places may experience death.
Hence
, drawbacks eclipse benefits. It is fair
to conclude
 that those who tend to take risks in life, personally and professionally, experience several benefits, like becoming daring and increasing skills;
however
, they
also
 go through various weaknesses,
such
 as losses of kin, friends, and money, and get involved in health issues.
Submitted by sh.mariakhan on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting examples are relevant and fully elaborated.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a more logical and cohesive structure. This can be achieved by better organizing your ideas and improving transitions between them.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more varied range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The conclusion successfully restates the position but try to provide a more detailed synthesis of your main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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