It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

Taking daring steps in life has a profound impact on people

Remove the comma

apply

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Correct word choice

because

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they can bring boldness and personal growth;

however

, they can be disadvantageous because they cause health dilemmas, losses, and deaths. In my perspective, demerits exceed merits since they are far more serious, as mentioned earlier. Those who are risk-takers experience some strengths, like being courageous and holding personal skills.

For example

, in Pakistan, various students, after passing their 12th grade, take an entry test for medicine and engineering. The majority of them fail the exam and decide to retake it after a year off and succeed in it;

thus

, it prompts them. Adding

further

, various tourists love adventurous places, like climbing on the top of mountains or going deep down the seas and oceans, which might be hazardous,

nevertheless

Add a comma

nevertheless,

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this

gives growth to their personalities because they explore exceptional places and learn many things from them.

However

, these people

also

endure challenges in life, which include health problems like stress, anxiety

due to

failure, loss of finances, and even death.

For example

, people take the risk of getting into a partnership to expand their business, and they are sometimes deceived by their shareholders, who may lose their money.

Moreover

, many students, after retaking tests, fail them, go into serious depression, and commit suicide.

Furthermore

, tourists who voyage to jeopardized places may experience death.

Hence

, drawbacks eclipse benefits. It is fair

to conclude

that those who tend to take risks in life, personally and professionally, experience several benefits, like becoming daring and increasing skills;

however

, they

also

go through various weaknesses,

such

as losses of kin, friends, and money, and get involved in health issues.

Submitted by sh.mariakhan on Thu Nov 16 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting examples are relevant and fully elaborated.

coherence and cohesion

Work on creating a more logical and cohesive structure. This can be achieved by better organizing your ideas and improving transitions between them.

coherence and cohesion

Use a more varied range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

The conclusion successfully restates the position but try to provide a more detailed synthesis of your main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Organising a large family celebration such as a wedding can often create problems. What can be the problems associated with organising a large family event and what solutions can you suggest?

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level.

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.