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Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? Wha can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities #wha
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,
citizens
 are in
citites
Correct your spelling
cities
 all over the world,
do
Correct word choice
but do
show examples
 not
.have
Correct your spelling
have
relationships
 with
people
 who live in their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
 even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 do not communicate together.
This
 essay will show reasons and solutions to
this
 problem. Urban lifestyle is busy and developed similar to
citizens
 live, study or work busily. Almost of
people
livve
Correct your spelling
live
 in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 to find greater chances
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 or work in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 to earn more money than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
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. Residents
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working and studying, they work early and go back home late so they do not have time to get on with their
neighbours
.
Besides
, some urban families have
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, they do not care
people
Change preposition
about people
show examples
 who live in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 living areas
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 them. These
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
citizens
hve
Correct your spelling
have
 hobbies lie and go out separately or only make good
reltionships
Correct your spelling
relationships
 with
people
 who
hve
Correct your spelling
have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 social
possion
Correct your spelling
position
passion
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 them. They live unemotionally with their
neighbours
 or
livealonely
Correct your spelling
live alone
 but still get on with
people
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 around them.
This
 problem is popular in cities all over the world,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
 good social
relationships
 is
nessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to develop society. First of all,
citizens
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 get on with their
neighbours
 to help together in urban life.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
we do not know together
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 first but live in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
homwtown
Correct your spelling
home town
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of events to make friends and become
more close up
Correct word choice
closer
show examples
. Having
a friendly
Correct the article-noun agreement
a friendly relationship
friendly relationships
show examples
relationships
 with
people
 who live with us,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help together when we get in
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
 so
people
 need
awared
Correct your spelling
awarded
aware
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 thing.
Participate
Wrong verb form
Participating
show examples
 in events in
hometown
Correct pronoun usage
my hometown
show examples
 to get on with neighbour,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help friendships
are
Verb problem
become
show examples
 closer.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holidays, families
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in my
hoemtown
Correct your spelling
hometown
 often give gifts together to
congtatulate
Correct your spelling
congratulate
 and give luck to my
neighbours
. In conclusion, living in urban areas is busy and crowded but making good
relationships
 with
neighbours
 has many benefits and
this
 essay
demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem.
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but inadequate. The introduction needs to clearly state the purpose of the essay and the conclusion should summarize your main points with a final perspective.
coherence cohesion
Main points need to be supported with coherent arguments or clear examples. Each paragraph should introduce a main idea and then provide evidence or examples to support that idea.
task achievement
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task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be expanded upon with sufficient detail and reasoning.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support your points. These examples should be specific and clearly linked to the main ideas you are discussing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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