IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause What can be done about this

#people #neighbours #cities
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, the relationship of
people
 with their
neigbours
Correct your spelling
neighbours
 is so far in urban cities. The reason why
this
 bad situation happened is that too much
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 must be done, so they do not have enough time to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 strangers around their houses.
This
 problem can be solved by arranging
timetable
Correct article usage
the timetable
show examples
 suitably. The world
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 developed fast day by day, the distance between
people
 and
people
 is created by
busy
Correct word choice
the busyness
show examples
 of each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
. For each person of us,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 childhood,
people
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
learned that time is compared to gold or silver, so brilliant
people
 will never waste their time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing something
make
Verb problem
that is
show examples
 not
profit
Replace the word
profitable
show examples
 for them .
For instance
, many poor families work 9 to 5,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that they do more extra jobs to help them out of poverty.
As a result
,
much
Correct word choice
the more
show examples
 money
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 make,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 distance is far. Someone else
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 that money is the best and they do not care
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 or social activities
However
, a solution can be found in investing in
neighbours
' families going to their house or your house eating meals and chatting together. The most effective approach is to have a good relationship with everyone who lives near their house. If they have difficult work, their
neighbours
 will help. So, they need to communicate, invest go to parties, by something for themselves.
Neighbours
 felt happy. They will know their
neighbours
 in large cities.
Therefore
, they just communicate and do not research, their
neighbours
 have a bad relationship with them. So we should be chatting and investing in eating meals with them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure with identifiable paragraphs. It is important to have distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Several ideas are presented without clear logical connections or transitions. Use a range of cohesive devices (such as connectors, pronouns, and conjunctions) to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Certain sentences are unclear and the use of punctuations, such as commas, is necessary to improve the readability of your sentences.
task achievement
The essay did not fully answer the prompt as it lacks a thorough exploration of specific problems caused by not knowing neighbours and a variety of solutions. Your response requires further development of these points.
task achievement
The essay needs more specific examples to illustrate the points made. The use of hypothetical scenarios, statistics or real-world examples can greatly enhance the response.
task achievement
Your ideas are not fully developed and articulated. Consider expanding on your thoughts with more details and depth to better answer the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: