IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standard on Earth. Do you agree or disagree

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #earth
It is said that millions of dollars should be spent on developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
instead
 of using
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
 space
research
. In my point of view, I totally agree with that view
due to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasons.
Firstly
, many places around the world are in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 down-at-el situation. Because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack
show examples
 of investment from the government, a lot of areas become
slum
Fix the agreement mistake
slums
show examples
 or have a shortage of essential requirements. In America,
although
 the prompt growth of space
research
 is recognized, there are some slums
still
Correct pronoun usage
that still
show examples
 exist and are increasingly widespread.
Secondly
, the education is still limited. The
money
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
invested
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
research
 can help ameliorate the teaching and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
studying of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor students.
In
Change preposition
According to
show examples
 some reports, the
money
 invested in the rocket can support thousands of students to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. That’s why it is important to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
money
 on the living standard than on
research
.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that using
money
 for people's life is more beneficial than universe researches because it makes people happy and motivated.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Ensure the introduction sufficiently sets the stage for the argument, and avoid broad statements. Aim for a more nuanced thesis statement.
body paragraphs
Develop main points with specific examples and clear arguments to support your position. Focus on depth rather than breadth.
conclusion
Conclusion should encapsulate the key points made and reiterate the stance effectively; avoid introducing new arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Strive for a clear and logical structure that guides the reader through your argument. Use cohesive devices accurately and effectively.
task response
Be precise with data and provide evidence for claims made to strengthen your argument. Avoid overgeneralizations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: