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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living sstandards on Earth. Do you argee or disagree?

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #sstandards #earth #argee
there is a debate
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some
people
 think that the millions of dollars
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent on space research every year should be spent on improving living
sandards
Correct your spelling
standards
 on Earth. In my opinion, I completely agree with that statement.
This
 essay will explain why I agree with that idea. We must agree that the number of poor
people
 on the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
still
Add a missing verb
is still
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 very high and the
money
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
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 spent on space can improve their life intensely. It can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 to give them food and drink .
For example
, there are many
people
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in Africa especially are children do not have food to eat even they do not
have
Rephrase
even have
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 water to drink and a
lot
 of them
must be
Verb problem
apply
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died
Wrong verb form
die
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 because they so hungry and thirsty.
Moreover
, that
money
also
 can build a
lot
 of
house
Change to a plural noun
houses
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 for many homeless
people
 to live with their family for safe. We can see that almost all
of
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apply
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countries have a
lot
 of
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
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 not have
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 to live
or
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in or
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 live in lums
such
 as in Brazil homeless
people
appaer
Correct your spelling
appear
 everywhere on the street and that country still
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to solve that problem.
The education
Correct article usage
Education
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 in some countries
also
 is one of the most profound problems
can
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that can
show examples
be solve
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be solved
show examples
 by that
money
.
The education
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Education
show examples
 in poor countries is still very
backward
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backwards
show examples
 like
India
Change preposition
in India
show examples
 a
lot
 of children can not go
school
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to school
show examples
 because their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 can not pay the fee
from
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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school or those children must go
for
Change preposition
to
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a
Remove the article
apply
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work to help their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and it can be solved by investing from the
govement
Correct your spelling
government
 through that
money
.
In addition
, that
money
also
 can reduce the
nmber
Correct your spelling
number
 of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 around the world if the
govements
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 use it to improve
the
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apply
show examples
security.
For example
, they can use that
money
 to increase the number of police or the facilities to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security. In conclusion, I really
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that the millions of dollars
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent on space research every year should be used to improve the living standards on Earth.
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Introduction
The essay introduction presents a clear opinion, which is good, but it lacks a preview of the main points that will be discussed, which is usually expected in a higher-scoring essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical sequence of ideas, but some sentences and paragraphs are not well-connected which affects the flow of the essay. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences for each paragraph.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are somewhat supported, but they need to be developed more fully with specific examples and explanations. You should include relevant examples that are fully elaborated to strengthen your argument.
Task Response
The response addresses the task, however, ideas are not always comprehensive and clear. Work on developing and expanding on your ideas to fully address the task prompt.
Relevant Specific Examples
Examples mentioned are relevant but lacking in specificity and development. Use concrete details to enrich your arguments and show a clear application of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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