Some people think that it is good for younger people to make their own decisions. Others feel that these decisions should be made with the help of their parents. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Many people believe that making their own resolutions are positive development for adolescents,

while

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others think that their father and mother should help them to make a decision. I believe, that even though

this

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could lead teenagers to make a wrong decision, it can develop their sense of self-responsibility and make them more independent. When young people are allowed to make their own decisions, it could lead them to make wrong judgments because they have less experience and sometimes they are not aware of any consequences that arise in the future.

Moreover

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, the children have a tendency to choose the easiest and the most interesting things for them even though they already know the negative impact.

Therefore

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, an opinion from their parents is required notably for the decisions

further

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impacting on their future,

such

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as their study chosen.

However

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, adolescents should have the freedom to choose what best suits them because they should learn how to be responsible for any resolutions they make.

This

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kind of freedom will make the children more independent and mature as they get older.

Furthermore

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, it will hone their problem-solving skills as they should deal with any problems that come after that decision.

For instance

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, children who live independently from their families are able to make better decisions in a short time in their adulthood compared with others. In conclusion,

although

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giving teenagers freedom in decision-making has some risks, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks as it has positive long-term developments in terms of their self-responsibility, independence and problem-solving skills.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sun Jun 09 2024

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task achievement

While the essay effectively covers both viewpoints and provides an opinion, adding more specific examples would strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning a scenario where parental guidance led to a successful outcome or a situation where independence fostered maturity would be beneficial.

coherence cohesion

The logical flow of the essay can be improved by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Some sentences feel abrupt, making it slightly challenging to follow the argument. Utilize transition words and phrases to enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

To solidify the structure, ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea that directly supports the thesis statement. Occasionally, the essay strays slightly from the main argument. Keeping the focus sharper would make the argument more compelling.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly states both viewpoints and includes the writer's opinion, setting up the essay appropriately.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's opinion, providing a strong end to the essay.

complete response

The essay covers the task requirements well, addressing both sides of the argument comprehensively.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

independence
self-reliance
critical thinking
problem-solving
confidence
empowered
consequences
mistakes
experience
guidance
wisdom
safety net
security
informed decisions
balance
autonomy
support
pitfalls
challenges

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Some people think that it is good for younger people to make their own decisions. Others feel that these decisions should be made with the help of their parents. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

some people argue that because the internet make it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. instead they should focus on developing children's skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while other think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that competitive sports such as soccer can help to reach cultural interaction among people of different age groups and nationalities, but others think that it would cause problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?