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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is how to be good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in
society
Use synonyms
 has become an essential part of our life,
However
Linking Words
, there is no absolute agreement on
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
who should
be teach
Change the verb form
be teaching
show examples
 children good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change preposition
to parents
show examples
 or teachers at school. A commonly held belief is that school is the place to learn how to be good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
. As evidence of
this
Linking Words
 they point to commuting with peers and teachers you would be more conscious and responsible for your own actions.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, being at school
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to develop your leadership qualities. It could be explained by the fact that other people would not
be endure
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endure
show examples
 your bad acts and teachers could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
teach what means
good
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to good
show examples
members
Use synonyms
 of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads to
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
learning what
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 they can practice in their own experience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that people who teach
becoming
Wrong verb form
people to become
show examples
 good
members
Use synonyms
 of
society
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
parents
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.
For example
Linking Words
, they may mention that your
parents
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
know you best, and know what teach you.
In addition
Linking Words
, they have gone through a lot of
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in their experience. The explanation lies in the fact that they can give
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
what
Change preposition
on what
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 to do in
certainly
Change the word
certain
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can help to learn how to be integrity in
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
show examples
 atmosphere. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
 that all
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 rules and warnings have to
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
show examples
 by
parents
Use synonyms
 from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 they can
grow
Verb problem
raise
show examples
childre
Correct your spelling
children
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a
good tempered
Add a hyphen
good-tempered
show examples
 manner in
social
Add an article
a social
the social
show examples
 environment.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with relevant examples and explanations. Strive for a more varied use of cohesive devices beyond simple linking words to enhance the flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Task achievement could be improved by providing more specific examples and ensuring that both sides of the argument are explored fully before giving a reasoned conclusion. The opinion should be clearly stated and backed by solid arguments and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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