IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that mobile phones conversation should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Mobile phones have become an essential part of everyday life, especially for working professionals, over the past two decades. Communication is one of their most important functions. Some people argue that
phone
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conversations
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 should be banned in public and crowded places,
while
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 others disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and present my own opinion.
Firstly
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, disturbances can occur when someone suddenly starts speaking loudly on their
phone
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while
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 travelling or in social spaces.
This
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 can distract or discomfort others who may be relaxing, reading, or filling out forms.
For instance
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, recent studies have revealed that people's anger levels increase when they are disturbed by loud mobile
phone
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conversations
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. Considering
this
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, completely banning mobile
conversations
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 in public areas is viewed by some as a solution to reduce both disturbance and noise pollution.
However
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, banning
phone
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conversations
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 altogether may not be a practical solution. Normal verbal
conversations
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 without phones can
also
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 be disruptive.
Moreover
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, people cannot ignore important or emergency calls.
For example
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, those who use gadgets like neckbands, headphones, or earbuds can take calls quietly without disturbing others. These devices not only reduce noise but
also
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 maintain the privacy of the conversation. In conclusion, restricting or imposing fines on
phone
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conversations
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 in public spaces could be effective in reducing disturbances, but urgent calls must still be allowed. Using modern gadgets is a practical solution, as they help maintain privacy and minimize disruption. In the future, researchers might even develop technology that allows us to transmit our thoughts directly, making communication more discreet and convenient.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument and maintains a consistent focus throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Further develop the examples provided to illustrate points more vividly and convincingly.
Task Achievement
Clarify the stance in the introduction; while you mention your opinion in the conclusion, a clearer position in the introduction could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is a strong aspect of task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your use of varied vocabulary and phrases contributed positively to the readability of the essay.
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