IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The given pie chart illustrates data on transport and car use in Edmonton and table explains people's reasons for using the car in city.

The given pie chart illustrates data on transport and car use in Edmonton and table explains people's reasons for using the car in city.
#data #transport #car #edmonton #people #city
The pie chart shows information about
car’s
Change noun form
car
show examples
 types. And
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 shows reasons why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people
use
cars
 in the city. It’s clear that
people
use
 different types of transport
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it depends on your financial position and your own priorities. But in the city
also
 works system of reasons why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people
use
cars
 , like: for business , shopping or something like that.
People
use
cars
 mostly according pie chart where it placed nearly a little less than half a percent.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 place is for Light Rail Transit. It gets about
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nearly more than
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
. Bronze goes to buses and taxis, they are surprisingly popular with only 10% of
people
. If we end up with
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
 of types of transport,
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 talk about reasons why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
we
use
 them.
Cars
 are used most of all by those who go to work, namely 55% of
people
. Silver goes to businessmen because
people
use
 it for business a little less than 10% for work. Third place goes to children who need to be taken to school, and
this
 is 40%. The fourth is divided between shopping and activity, but they have a small percentage, namely only 15% for both.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, use, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "a little less than" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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