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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
There are some arguments about whether wild
animals
 should be kept in
zoos
 or not. Some think that it is a good idea
while
 others think it is not. These two different ideas will be discussed
further
 as follows. Undoubtedly, a good
zoo
 can be seen from how their
animals
 look and behave. If their
animals
 look healthy and strong, we can conclude that the
zoo
 is doing good.
This
 kind of
zoo
 can be a better place for some species of
animals
 where their original place has been torn down,
for example
, Orangutan. Orangutan places have been burned and lots of them lost their true habitat. By that means, raising Orangutans in a good
zoo
 that can provide everything they need, will be a good way out.
Nevertheless
, if there are good
zoos
, there will
also
 be some bad
zoos
. People who run bad
zoos
 tend to look for money that they can collect from it
while
 neglecting the
animals
 that they possess.
This
 kind of
zoo
 that we have to look at one eye. Wild
animals
 are used to being free and being caged in a
zoo
 where their staff does not care about them, will make them stressed and will cause death. In conclusion, the goodness of keeping wild
animals
 in
zoos
 depends on how and why the
zoos
 take their
animals
. If their original intention is good, and they are willing to take really good care of what they have possessed, it will lead to good result but
on the other hand
, if the actual reasons for the
zoos
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not good and they just being careless to their animal,
this
 is the bad thing
Submitted by ditajulaikaputri on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more effective paragraph structuring to enhance logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but they could be more comprehensive in summarising the main arguments and restating the writer's opinion in a more pronounced manner.
task achievement
The candidate's discussion is underdeveloped, lacking in detailed explanations or examples that fully support the claims made. Addressing this can improve task response significantly.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view but needs more development with specific examples and further analysis to fully accomplish the task with a clear comprehensive argument and a complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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