IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to tackle environmental issues. Others believe it is up to each individual to be environmentally responsible. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

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Some
individuals
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 argue the authorities have to solve environmental
problems
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,
while
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 others suppose that it is an individual choice to be environmentally responsible.
This
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 essay will
firstly
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 discuss the pro and contra views and
finally
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, state why
governments
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 and
individuals
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 should collaborate to solve these
problems
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.
Governments
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 have to concentrate the revenue of environmental taxes on
big
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big-scale
show examples
scale
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 environmental
problems
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.
For instance
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, water pollution is a national environmental issue that requires the role of
governments
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. To solve
this
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 problem
governments
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 have to make public policy about industrial
waste
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 limitation and
do
Verb problem
take
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 several concrete steps to purify water
such
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 as installing water purifier machines in polluted rivers and seas. Other
national
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national-scale
show examples
scale
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problems
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such
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 as air pollution and deforestation
also
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 require
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 effort to solve either financially
and
Correct word choice
or
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 legally.
Therefore
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 these
problems
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 are really hard to solve by
individuals
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 and need the government's presence.
On the other hand
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, environmental
problems
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due to
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 household
waste
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 can only be solved if every individual takes real
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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. The amount of plastic
waste
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 is increasing from day to day since
people
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 are always using plastic products
due to
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 their ease of use. To solve
this
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 problem we have to make concrete steps
such
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 as using biodegradable materials and recycling plastic
waste
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. These steps only make an improvement if they are carried out on a large
scale
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.
Therefore
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 it would be really hard to tackle environmental issues without individual responsibilities. In my view,
governments
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 and
people
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 have to collaborate to solve environmental issues quickly and effectively. Without
people
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’s support,
governments
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 will be overwhelmed since they have to give more energy to solve the same
problems
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 that
people
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 repeatedly make. Without
governments
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’ support,
people
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 only have a lack of resources to solve these
problems
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. In conclusion,
governments
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 have to tackle
big
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big-scale
show examples
scale
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 environmental issues since they need much effort.
Moreover
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, an individual's awareness is really important to solve environmental
problems
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due to
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 household
waste
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. In my opinion,
governments
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 and
individuals
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 should work together in order to solve these
problems
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 as soon as possible.

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supported main points
Be sure to develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you've provided some general ideas, the use of more detailed examples would enhance your argument, demonstrating a deeper understanding and engagement with the topic.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates a clear response to the task, with both views and your opinion presented. However, you could improve by ensuring your opinion is interwoven throughout the essay for a more integrated argument rather than only appearing at the end.
introduction conclusion present
While your introduction and conclusion are present and generally well-constructed, your conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing both sides of the argument before presenting your final opinion. This would improve the balance and closure of the essay.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, but at times, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. Consider varying your connecting phrases and ensuring each paragraph flows fluidly to the next.
clear comprehensive ideas
You often reiterate points rather than developing them with new, clear, and comprehensive ideas. Aim to expand your argument with additional insights or contrastive viewpoints for a more nuanced discussion.
relevant specific examples
Be careful of providing general examples. Make sure to include relevant, specific examples that clearly support your main points. This could involve citing real-world initiatives, statistics, or case studies.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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