Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

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A large part of the population thinks that it is a great idea to make teenagers

work

Use synonyms

in their free

time

Use synonyms

to benefit the local community. Personally, I could not disagree more

due to

Linking Words

the following reasons. Teenagers are too young to

work

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and they have to enjoy their

time

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furthermore

Linking Words

, it would not be very positive for the local land because of demotivation. Since

time

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immemorial, young people used

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

work

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all day to help their families and earn some money or food,

fortunately

Add a comma

fortunately,

show examples

this

Linking Words

is not the case today. Nowadays, teens prefer to enjoy youth with their family or friends hanging out, going to parties or only watching a film. Even if they have so much free

time

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, it is the

time

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to appreciate life because in some years they will be working

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

with few holidays.

In addition

Linking Words

, in their free

time

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, study takes an important place too.

According to

Linking Words

Bruno Surroca, a Spanish teacher, teenagers are much happier in class when they are disconnected from their obligations during the weekend. The community always wants the best workers to achieve the objectives. In agreement with

this

Linking Words

, it could be a disadvantage to hire a young person because these people will often be more focused on

other type

Change the wording

another type

other types

show examples

of goals

such

Linking Words

as having fun, studying or getting a partner. Normally, they are not motivated, which can lead to

Remove the article

apply

show examples

poor performance in

work

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For example

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, a survey made by the BBC, says that 90% of teens would not be willing to have a job in their spare

time

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To conclude

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, I think that it is not a good idea to make minors

work

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

their young age and lack of motivation to make these labours.

santos_dijThu Nov 16 2023

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task achievement

Consider providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your main points. While your essay presents clear arguments, specific examples would strengthen your claims.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to explicitly state your main arguments in the introduction for a clearer roadmap. A more structured outline can help with the flow of ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Work on smoother transitions between your paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

task achievement

Your introduction presents a clear opinion on the topic, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.

task achievement

You provide relevant historical context and articulate the importance of enjoying youth, which gives depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that governments in developing countries should introduce new technologies to people in order to improve the quality of life, while others believe that in order to achieve that governments should offer free education for all. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Children are now watching more television than they have ever done before. What are some of the negative effects of children watching a lot of television? Do you think young children should be allowed to watch television?

The increasing number of individual vehicles has been a difficult issue in every country for some time. Simultaneously, using one's car in traffic causes many drawbacks to our lives. Therefore, I will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs.