Parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to bring up children? What consequences could this way of parenting pose on children as they get older?

It's a common belief that indulging
children
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
doing whatever they want and buying things whatever they ask for has been becoming a parenting approach in many families. From my perspective,
this
is not a good way to raise kids because of
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
certain negative impacts
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
them in the future.
To begin
with, it is true that pampering their
children
too much with allowing them to do as they want is not an appropriate parenting approach. First and foremost,
children
who are allowed to do things freely can easily access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some illegal employment.
This
can be explained by the fact that when
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
children
is permitted to do whatever they want, they will not understand between right and wrong, and
then
become ignorant, thoughtless individuals.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
situation can cause a large number of social evils for them through many challenges from their friends.
For example
, if kids desire to start smoking or dying hair because of compelling and following the bad friends' enticements at school, and their
parents
let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do
Correct pronoun usage
do it
show examples
,
this
will eventually lead to a lot of negative repercussions for them.
Furthermore
, providing the youth with whatever they ask for will teach them nothing but have no regard for what they already have, even when it isn't what they need.
As a result
, youngsters might not be able to respect the value of things they are given in life.
For instance
, they will disturb their
parents
to buy them new toys to meet their entertainment needs in temporary moments of boredom. And
this
is extremely dangerous because it could be the basis of their character when they grow up. As young people become older, there will be two consequences
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
type of care. The principal one is that the youth will become needy and dependent because of having been spoilt too much by their
parents
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
a young age.
As a result
, they are unable to live on their own and deal with daily challenges by themselves.
According to
a recent survey from many Australian researchers, more than 50% of youngsters cannot stay away from their
parents
and live independently even when they are more than 20 years old because of having been pampered too much by their
parents
when they were
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kid like buying clothes or cooking for them at home.
In addition
, the problem of
this
parenting approach will lead to poor academic performance of
children
because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of motivation and inability to struggle to aim for better scores.
According to
a recent survey from many Cambridge University scholars, they discovered that students with luxurious goods usually get scores lower than those without them in some final exams. In conclusion, it is irrefutable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
indulgence has devastating consequences on the level of education and their life in the future, and
thus
, is not a good way to nurture them.
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents ideas, however, they are not always outlined with clarity and occasionally present logical fallacies. Ensure that your argument is clearly structured and each point logically follows the last.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be more explicitly defined, particularly the thesis statement. The conclusion should more clearly echo the points made in the body and systematically summarize the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points would be better supported with more precise examples and evidence. Consider using more concrete statistics or case studies to reinforce your arguments.
Task Achievement
The response to the task is somewhat partial. While you do address the topic, some key aspects of the question are only marginally covered. Ensure each component of the prompt is addressed to meet the task requirements fully.
Task Achievement
There is some lack of clarity in conveying ideas. Strive to express your thoughts more comprehensively. This can be achieved through more careful paragraph planning and reviewing whether your points are expressed fully and are easily understandable.
Task Achievement
The use of examples is good, but strive to relate them more explicitly to the main point they are supporting. This ensures that they serve to strengthen your arguments rather than just being stated.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
Look at other essays: