IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

A person’s health is their own responsibility rather than the government’s responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
"
Health
Use synonyms
 is Wealth".
This
Linking Words
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 famous slogan
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
centuries.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
pririty
Correct your spelling
priority
 is,
Person
Add the comma(s)
Person,
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
take care of their
health
Use synonyms
 by
theirself
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 have to take some steps to keep
upto date
Correct your spelling
up-to-date
food
Use synonyms
 market and
enforce
Verb problem
force
show examples
 them to follow the standard of
food
Use synonyms
 agency.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,
Individual
Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
show examples
 should be responsible for their own
health
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 are more diverted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
. They should have some particular diet chart as per their
health
Use synonyms
. Some of the
people
Use synonyms
 are having
food
Use synonyms
 at
mid night
Correct your spelling
midnight
show examples
,
avoinding
Correct your spelling
avoiding
 late night
food
Use synonyms
 could be
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 for
theirself
Correct your spelling
their self
.
People
Use synonyms
 can go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
, yoga classes or
individual's
Change noun form
their
show examples
 favourite sports activity. Doing a regular basis exercise could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
result
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 good
health
Use synonyms
 and
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 life.
Body paragraph 2
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
check random samples of
food
Use synonyms
 from different
company's
Change noun form
companies
show examples
. Some of the
company's
Change noun form
companies
show examples
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of chemicals to make
food
Use synonyms
 more tasty or keep
food
Use synonyms
 good for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time. They should stop them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
 that, It can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Government
Use synonyms
 should check
sample
Fix the agreement mistake
samples
show examples
 of each
food
Use synonyms
 item before it starts selling in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
. That could
be result
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 of
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 and
Person
Fix the agreement mistake
People
show examples
 both have to be more careful to keep
health
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 up
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal accountability
  • health outcomes
  • public health campaigns
  • regulations
  • healthcare services
  • environmental quality
  • socio-economic factors
  • governmental intervention
  • healthy living
  • informed health decisions
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