IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is widely believed that the biggest significant goal of
science
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 is to appreciate human life . Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 view for a variety of reasons. First of all , scientists appear to help
people
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 get better healthcare. Nowadays, all materials and equipment used for medical examination and treatment are discovered by scientists. So it is really essential for
people
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 to protect and take care of their health.
Besides
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 that , some vaccines are invented by experts to avoid disease in everyone .
For instance
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, when the world is facing
with
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apply
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Covid-19 , those who are working in the
science
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 field are investigating and discovering a type of vaccine to prevent
this
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 diagnosis .
Therefore
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,
science
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 has a certain contribution
for
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to
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therapeutic
Correct article usage
the therapeutic
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 background.
Furthermore
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, boffins
also
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 innovate and develop technology for the whole world. There are smartphones , laptops and tablets all found by genius
people
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 to support
people
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’s daily lives. It cannot be denied that today most new and modern technologies are approaching and making human life more convenient. Thanks to what
science
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 brings for us to improve the quality of living.
For example
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, John McCarthy , who is the founder of artificial intelligence AI .
This
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 innovation is causing major changes in the technology industry because it can be seen
like
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as
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 a person , not only a robot or machine . In conclusion,
science
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 always has a variety of influences
for
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on
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people
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's lives and helps it cultivate day by day. In my opinion, everyone can't survive without a scientific background because it is important support for
people
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.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has clear and logical progression of ideas. The essay sometimes skips from one idea to another, which may confuse the reader. Use clear topic sentences, and support each main idea with adequate development.
coherence cohesion
It's good that you provided an introduction and a conclusion. However, you must strive to present these sections with more clarity and purpose. The thesis statement in the introduction could be more explicit, and the conclusion should definitively summarize your key arguments.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your points. Although you've provided examples like the invention of vaccines and the work of John McCarthy, these would benefit from elaboration and clear linkage to how exactly they improve people's lives.
task achievement
Develop your main points further. For instance, when you talk about the healthcare advancements or technological improvements, go into more depth about how these contribute to the betterment of human life. This will enhance the comprehension of your clear and comprehensive ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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