It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people

In my opinion, to prevent

better

Add a missing verb

is better

show examples

than to cure. So I do agree with the government spending money for promoting healthy

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

rather than to cure patients in the hospital. I have two main

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

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why that I will explain more

furthermore

Rephrase

further

show examples

First

Add an article

The first

show examples

reason

is in

term

Fix the agreement mistake

terms

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of the number of money which will be spent. Promoting by the media nowadays become really

trend

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a trend

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and of

course

Add a comma

course,

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has a big chance to influence people to deliver a certain point which we intend to give. Since it is trending and many

provider

Change to a plural noun

providers

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such

as television

channel

Fix the agreement mistake

channels

show examples

artists

Correct word choice

and artists

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on social media which

known

Add a missing verb

are known

show examples

influencer

Fix the agreement mistake

influencers

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can attract

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

attention

surely

Rephrase

apply

show examples

. So it works as a good step towards a better

lifestyle

Second

Add an article

The second

A second

show examples

reason

, I strongly believe that if the government pay attention mostly to

promote

Wrong verb form

promoting

show examples

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

lifestyle

, people will less sick and back to the first

reason

that curing is expensive and of course

depending

Wrong verb form

depends

show examples

on the illness. By all

mean

Correct subject-verb agreement

means

show examples

promotion

Replace the word

promoting

show examples

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

lifestyle

can lead to a small number of illnesses and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

help

ones

Replace the word

one

show examples

to create a better environment.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Fri Nov 17 2023

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lexical resource

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grammatical range and accuracy

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

179 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent illness rather than on the treatment of people who are really ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many counties around the world,rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is positive or a negative devlopment ?

In some countries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some children spend hours every days on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?