IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. To what extent do you agree?

#people #food #health #ban
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, quick meal consumption is rising day by day and it is known that it can lead to serious health problems.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is argued by some people that junk
food
Use synonyms
 should be forbidden. I partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because banning fast
food
Use synonyms
 would lead to other consequences and it is not the only solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the advantages of junk
food
Use synonyms
 is that
students
Change preposition
for students
show examples
 or workers who have tough schedules and a little break, eating delicious and hot
food
Use synonyms
 may save their precious time and their pocket
also
Linking Words
 because the prices of take away
food
Use synonyms
 is very cheap and affordable comparing to restaurants or cafes.
Hence
Linking Words
, banning it completely is certainly not a workable solution because people either will pay more
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 to eat or will quit their jobs to find convenient work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is true that overconsumption of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 may lead to some health problems. The reason is that it contains plenty of sugar and fat which might lead to obesity among children
as well as
Linking Words
 youngsters.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in some
food
Use synonyms
 courts
food
Use synonyms
 is
freezen
Correct your spelling
frozen
 and preserved for a long time and eating a go-off meal without knowing it may
also
Linking Words
inflect
Correct your spelling
inflict
show examples
 stomachache. In conclusion, forbidding proceed
food
Use synonyms
 is not a way to deal with the issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people should eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 when it is compulsory and focus on the pros of healthy
food
Use synonyms
, in that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 the consumption of junk
food
Use synonyms
 would decrease for sure.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed with relevant examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically, use a range of linking devices to connect ideas, and ensure paragraphing is clear.
task achievement
Provide a clear position throughout the response and avoid contradicting yourself to maintain task achievement.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas by providing specific examples or data to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: