With the rise of the internet more and more people are getting their news from social media platforms. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
It is believed that taking
risks
is crucial when talking about personal life and career. I do agree with this
statement,
and think that the merits of taking Remove the comma
apply
risks
outweigh its demerits and this
essay will discuss both in detail.
On the one hand, taking risks
has some grave consequences. Firstly
, without proper evaulation
in advance, one could easily face financial loss. Many people all around Correct your spelling
evaluation
world
have become bankrupt because of poor market research. Add an article
the world
For example
, a business owner who has insvested
all his money in building up a new venture might soon lose everything. Correct your spelling
invested
Moreover
, taking risks
without prior consideration,
would Remove the comma
apply
also
lead to losing a stable and secure job. Therefore
, it makes them start over, which may take many years to compenstae
Correct your spelling
compensate
their
loss.
Change preposition
for their
On the other hand
, there are several plus points in high risk-taking ability. To begin
with, taking calculated risks
, especially in career-related issues, would contribute to personal growth and developement
. Correct your spelling
development
In other words
, being out of comfort
zone will in turn make us more confident, and help Correct pronoun usage
our comfort
learn
more skills in various areas. Take Warren Buffet as an example, if it were not for his incredible risk-taking Correct pronoun usage
us learn
abilty
, he would not be able to sign innumerable international contractsCorrect your spelling
ability
,
and be the world's Remove the comma
apply
famous
Correct quantifier usage
most famous
business person
. Correct your spelling
businessperson
In addition
, it helps us to be more resilient when encountering challenging situations in life, thereby making us much stronger. As a result
, it can be certainly said that there exist numerous advantages in
taking Change preposition
to
risks
.
All things considered, although
there are some negative aspects concerning taking risks
, it would generally help us to act much better in society due to
the factors mentioned above. So, I strongly believe that the advantages overshadow its disadvantages.Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on
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task achievement
The essay seems to have misunderstood the original prompt, which was about the advantages and disadvantages of getting news from social media. Instead, it discusses the merits and demerits of taking risks, which is not the topic provided. Thus, it fails to address the task and is off-topic. The response needs to directly address the given prompt to meet the task achievement criteria.
coherence cohesion
Referring to the logical structure, there's a disconnect between paragraphs as they don't adhere to a clear central theme related to the topic. The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present but do not reflect the required topic. The cohesion within paragraphs is reasonable, but the overall essay lacks coherence since it's off-topic. Return to the original question and build the essay's structure accordingly.
task achievement
The main points presented are supported with examples, like Warren Buffet's risk-taking or the effect on a business owner which are well-explained. However, these examples, while well-supported, are irrelevant to the topic. The discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of getting news from social media requires germane examples.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to concisely introduce the main point and maintain focus on the subject. Ensure that each main point is relevant to the discussion on social media and news consumption. Define the advantages and disadvantages clearly related to the topic at hand.