IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the traditional family structure is changing, and an increasing number of children are being raised by single parents or by grandparents. Discuss the possible reasons for this trend and its potential consequences on society. Support your answer with relevant examples and evidence from your own experience or knowledge.

#countries #structure #children #parents #grandparents #trend #consequences #society #support #evidence
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It is argued that in many nations, more and more
children
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 are raised by single
parents
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 or by
grandparents
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.
This
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 essay would argue that the main reason for
this
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 development is that
people
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 give more importance to themselves and
women
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 are able to go out and look for a job. Nowadays,
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 thoughts have changed, they think that no one is more important than themselves.
People
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 do not want to be in a family where they are not happy or feel uncomfortable, they will prefer to have
the
Correct article usage
a
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divorce
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 even if they have a
child
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.
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While in
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In
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 the past, a lot of
parents
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 stayed together even
they
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though they
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 did not love each other.
This
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 was because their
child
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 was the most important person in their lives and they had to take
care
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 of their
baby
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 and did not want the
baby
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 to grow up without a "complete family".
For example
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, before 2000, the rate of
divorce
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 in China was really low, since having a
divorce
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 meant a broken family, but in 2022
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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people
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 got married, and
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divorce
Correct article usage
the divorce
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 rate increased
around
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by around
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 70% compared with 2000. Another main reason is that
women
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 are able to look for a job. In the past, only a small proportion of
women
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 had a job, normally, they stayed at home cleaning, cooking, organising the house and
as well as
Linking Words
 taking
care
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 of their
children
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. Nowadays, there is gender equality,
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and both
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both
Correct word choice
and both
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 men and
women
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 can work. So when a couple get married and have a
child
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, it might be difficult for them to take
care
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 of their
baby
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 since they have to work.
Then
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, the best option is to ask
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baby's
Correct article usage
the baby's
show examples
grandparents
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 to take
care
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 of the
child
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a large number of Chinese
children
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 are raised
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by their
grandparents
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 or other family members, because their
parents
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 are carrying out a business and do not have enough time to take
care
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 of them. In conclusion, nowadays many
children
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 are raised by single
parents
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 and
grandparents
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because
people
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 put themselves in
first
Add an article
the first
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 place and
women
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 are able to work outside
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, the development of your ideas and their organisation could be significantly improved. The logical sequence is somewhat lacking, making the transition between points abrupt. Focus on establishing clearer links between ideas and using more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your text.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the response needs to be more fully developed. Aim to explore the ideas in greater depth and provide a more thorough explanation of reasons and consequences. Additionally, be sure to provide relevant, specific examples to support each point made in your essay. A lack of detail and development can hinder the effect of your argument.
lexical resource
Your lexical range is acceptable, but to achieve a higher score, it is necessary to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Try to use a variety of words and phrases to express your ideas, and be aware of repetition. Incorporating synonyms and more complex expressions can enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range and accuracy
While there are few grammatical errors in the essay, there is room for improvement in your grammatical range. Vary your sentence structures by including complex and compound sentences. Pay attention to verb tenses and agreement to maintain accuracy throughout your writing. Consistent and varied use of grammatical structures will contribute to a higher score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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