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Band 3.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it

#people #attention
Advertisements are designed to tap into our, emotions desires, and aspirations, and they often succeed in doing so. Advertising has become a common method. A
lot
 of
people
 are now selling their stuff by advertising them, and more and more
people
 are supporting them.
Furthermore
, a
lot
 of ads have become similar to each other, which makes it harder for companies to compete for attention, since everybody is making the same promises to
people
. There are a
lot
 of food ads going on today.
For example
, they show that they prepare quickly and
also
 say that
this
 is a very effective approach.
Moreover
, there will be a
lot
 of advertising
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 household appliances.
For instance
,they advertise your phone, TV, refrigerator, washing machine and more.A
lot
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 think. Many
people
 will buy it and the quality will be very excellent. By associating their products with positive emotions,
such
 as happiness, and success, advertisers send their products exactly as we expect, linking them to our thoughts
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, potentially causing confusion for the reader. It is vital to plan your essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear purpose that supports the overall argument. Additionally, while an introduction and conclusion are somewhat present, they do not effectively frame the essay or summarize the main arguments.
Task Achievement
In terms of task response, you have touched on the prompt, but your response is incomplete and lacks depth. A thorough response should address both views presented in the question, providing a balanced argument with well-elaborated points and clear examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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