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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s world, having
children
Use synonyms
 at older ages has become increasingly popular in recent years.
Although
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this
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 can have certain demerits, it is my firm belief that the merits of having
children
Use synonyms
 later in life are more considerable. On the one hand, there are some drawbacks when having
children
Use synonyms
 at older ages. One of the most significant negative impacts is that it may create a generation gap.
This
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 is mainly because
parents
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 may be too old when their first child enters puberty, which is when there is a great change in their attitude.
As a result
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, there may be a lack of mutual understanding between the
parents
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 and the
children
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. Another negative effect is that having
children
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 at older ages may lead to an ageing population.
As a consequence
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, senior citizens may have to work full-time even though they are too old to work.
For example
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, in Japan, one of the countries with the highest ageing population rate in the world, the government has increased the retirement age from 60 to 65.
On the other hand
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, I personally believe that the benefits of having
children
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 later in life are more significant.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 can choose the most appropriate educational style for their
children
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. The main reason is that before having
children
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, people have enough time to investigate the advantages and disadvantages of parenting methods.
Also
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, many
parents
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 may observe and receive advice from friends, their
parents
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 and other experienced people, so
this
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 may help them become wise
parents
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.
Moreover
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, people may have the financial ability to raise their
children
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.
As a result
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, the
children
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 can fully develop intellectually and healthily.
For instance
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, in recent years many
parents
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 have babies at a time when they did not have enough finances so their
children
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 may not receive the best benefits. In conclusion,
while
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 there are certain downsides of having
children
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 later regarding the generation gap between
parents
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 and their
children
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 and an ageing population, I am firmly convinced that the upsides in terms of being able to choose the most appropriate educational style and having the financial ability are weightier.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction adequately paraphrases the prompt and presents a clear thesis statement outlining the direction of the essay. Maintain that each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and is well-developed with sufficient support. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
Ideas and arguments should be organized logically throughout the essay, using a range of cohesive devices appropriately. Paragraphing should be clear, and each paragraph should focus on one main idea, with subsequent sentences developing and supporting that idea.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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