IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think more money should be spent researching other planets, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#future #earth #people #money #planets
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Many people believe investing money in
space
Use synonyms
 science may guarantee
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 survivor in the future. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement for numerous reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the most significant issue with
this
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 plan is the limitation of human insights about
universe
Correct article usage
the universe
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 and
space
Use synonyms
 exploration. Because of special conditions,
physic
Fix the agreement mistake
physics
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, which has been formed and improved for millions of years does not work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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space
Use synonyms
 requiring scientists to rebuild all the physical equations and formulars to broaden their knowledge about
universe
Add an article
the universe
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. One of the most prominent examples is Einstein who denied the foundation of
physic
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physics
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 by claiming that time may change to guarantee the velocity of light,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 his opinions could just be recognized 50 years after his death by experimental methods by the scientists’ community.
Consequently
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, allocating a huge budget without any
in-dept
Correct your spelling
in-depth
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 knowledge might
experience
Verb problem
cause
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 massive risks, which
instead
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, may be used for other practical solutions
such
Linking Words
 as improving healthcare infrastructure or aiding potential environmentally friendly breakthroughs like hybrid cars and wave energy.
Secondly
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, even passing all those challenges, these
breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
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 in planet study can be counterproductive. Since the majority of planets in
solar
Correct article usage
the solar
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 system
contained
Wrong verb form
contain
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 a huge amount of metals like nickel or bronze which is indispensable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heavy industry,
whereas
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 the breakthroughs of
space
Use synonyms
 technology
such
Linking Words
 as satellites or
space
Use synonyms
 bases might be exploited for military
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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.
Therefore
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, it may be a springboard for wars and conflicts among mutual countries, especially the super nations for obtaining these planets’ resources, which is predicted to drive
human
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humans
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 to the verge of extinction rather than
surviving
Replace the word
survival
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. To illustrate,
Antarctic
Correct article usage
the Antarctic
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 can be seen as a prevalent example
as
Change preposition
of
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it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 high oil reserve and
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 position
according to
Linking Words
 international agreement as a public venue, but there have been 95 conflicts caused by 13 nations in 34 years; planets like Mars with similar conditions may witnessed the same phenomenon but with a bigger scale and fiercer features. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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investment in planets science can be regarded as risky and
exorbitance
Replace the word
exorbitant
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resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 from human
limitation
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limitations
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.
In addition
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,
this
Linking Words
 allocation,
instead
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 of finding a way for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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survive
Fix the infinitive
to survive
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 might exacerbate the issues by stimulating global-scale and tremendous wars.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas within the paragraph are clearly connected and easy to follow.
task achievement
Develop the main points more fully with a wider range of supporting details and pertinent examples to strengthen the argument, as this provides a richer and more convincing response.
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