Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays,
people
are more worried about there
Correct your spelling
their
retirements
. Certain Fix the agreement mistake
retirement
people
think that government
should give some amount of Correct article usage
the government
money
to them opposed
to some Correct word choice
as opposed
think
they should Correct pronoun usage
who think
sincare
about Correct your spelling
care
there
own future. I support that Correct your spelling
their
government
should give some pension so that they can lead a decent life i will elucidate Correct article usage
the government
in
the following essay.
Correct pronoun usage
this in
Fist
of all, Correct your spelling
First
government
should support Add an article
the government
reitred
Correct your spelling
retired
people
financially as a social responsibily
and ensure a comfortable and secure retirement.so that, they do have to Correct your spelling
responsibility
worried
about their future. Change the verb
worry
For example
, If government
pay a pention
Correct your spelling
pension
in
a monthly basis they can manage their everyday need they Change preposition
on
dont
have to Correct your spelling
don't
dependable
Add a missing verb
be dependable
to
anyone else. Change preposition
on
Furthermore
, it can reduces
poverty among elderly citizens.
Change the verb form
reduce
On the other hand
, old people
should take responsibility for their own future. Additionally
, they should save some money
for themself so that, reduces the burden on government
. Add an article
the government
Also
, encourage them for saving
and Change preposition
to save
planning
. Replace the word
plan
For instance
, before going to retirentment
if they open a fixed deposit account in a bank and save a little amount of cash from their salary every month Correct your spelling
retirement
at the end
of their occupations they will finish with a handsome amount of money
to survive. Although
, they also
can do some private investments.
To conclude
, It is batter
for them to Correct your spelling
better
more
Add a missing verb
be more
concern
about retirement by saving Replace the word
concerned
money
, making some investments and so on but government
should take reponsibility
as they serve the nation Correct your spelling
responsibility
in
Change preposition
at
their
young Change the word
a
ages
so its time for Fix the agreement mistake
age
government
to take care of them in this
situation.Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on
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coherence cohesion
Please ensure logical organization of your essay. The introduction should present both views and your own opinion clearly to the reader, followed by well-structured paragraphs that discuss each view separately with supporting details.
task achievement
You must focus on fully developing your ideas and providing clear examples to support your points. Each paragraph needs a clear topic sentence, and the examples provided should directly support the point being made.
lexical resource
More varied and precise vocabulary is needed. Avoid spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your communication (e.g., 'retirements', 'reitred', 'pention', 'dependable', 'sincare' should be 'retirements', 'retired', 'pension', 'depend', 'take care'). Work on improving your lexical resource by expanding your vocabulary and paying attention to collocations.
grammatical range
The essay reflects a limited use of complex sentence structures and sometimes incorrect grammar. Work on sentence variety, including complex structures, and practice grammar to reduce the number of errors (e.g., 'Fist of all,' should be 'First of all,' incorrect prepositions, and improper tense usage).
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