IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are more worried about
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
retirements
Fix the agreement mistake
retirement
show examples
. Certain
people
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 think that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should give some amount of
money
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 to them
opposed
Correct word choice
as opposed
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 to some
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 they should
sincare
Correct your spelling
care
 about
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own future. I support that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should give some pension so that they can lead a decent life i will elucidate
in
Correct pronoun usage
this in
show examples
 the following essay.
Fist
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
 of all,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should support
reitred
Correct your spelling
retired
people
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 financially as a social
responsibily
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and ensure a comfortable and secure retirement.so that, they do have to
worried
Change the verb
worry
show examples
 about their future.
For example
Linking Words
, If
government
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 pay a
pention
Correct your spelling
pension
in
Change preposition
on
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 a monthly basis they can manage their everyday need they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have to
dependable
Add a missing verb
be dependable
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to
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on
show examples
 anyone else.
Furthermore
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, it can
reduces
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reduce
show examples
 poverty among elderly citizens.
On the other hand
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, old
people
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 should take responsibility for their own future.
Additionally
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, they should save some
money
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 for themself so that, reduces the burden on
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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.
Also
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, encourage them
for saving
Change preposition
to save
show examples
 and
planning
Replace the word
plan
show examples
.
For instance
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, before going to
retirentment
Correct your spelling
retirement
 if they open a fixed deposit account in a bank and save a little amount of cash from their salary every month
at the end
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 of their occupations they will finish with a handsome amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to survive.
Although
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, they
also
Linking Words
 can do some private investments.
To conclude
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, It is
batter
Correct your spelling
better
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 for them to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about retirement by saving
money
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, making some investments and so on but
government
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 should take
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 as they serve the nation
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 so its time for
government
Use synonyms
 to take care of them in
this
Linking Words
 situation.

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coherence cohesion
Please ensure logical organization of your essay. The introduction should present both views and your own opinion clearly to the reader, followed by well-structured paragraphs that discuss each view separately with supporting details.
task achievement
You must focus on fully developing your ideas and providing clear examples to support your points. Each paragraph needs a clear topic sentence, and the examples provided should directly support the point being made.
lexical resource
More varied and precise vocabulary is needed. Avoid spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your communication (e.g., 'retirements', 'reitred', 'pention', 'dependable', 'sincare' should be 'retirements', 'retired', 'pension', 'depend', 'take care'). Work on improving your lexical resource by expanding your vocabulary and paying attention to collocations.
grammatical range
The essay reflects a limited use of complex sentence structures and sometimes incorrect grammar. Work on sentence variety, including complex structures, and practice grammar to reduce the number of errors (e.g., 'Fist of all,' should be 'First of all,' incorrect prepositions, and improper tense usage).
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement
  • financial support
  • social responsibility
  • comfortable and secure
  • reduces poverty
  • safety net
  • limited resources
  • fairness and equality
  • personal responsibility
  • independence
  • financial planning
  • saving
  • burden on the government
  • control over retirement
  • economic growth
  • private investment
  • combination of approaches
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