IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the time their children spend watching TV and playing games and encourage them to spend this time reading books. Do you agree or disagree?

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There are individuals who believe adults should put some limitations
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to prevent them
following
Change preposition
from following
show examples
 TV shows and allocating their precious time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 video
games
Use synonyms
. They prefer encouraging them to study.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
,
supervision
Correct article usage
the supervision
show examples
 role of parents
on
Change preposition
in
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 training their
children
Use synonyms
 in the best direction is undeniable, and I am in agreement with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Use synonyms
Children
Change noun form
Children's
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 mind is physiologically organised to play and act only
accourding
Correct your spelling
according
 to the present time occurrences,
thus
Linking Words
 they neglect their experiences of past events, and the upcoming results of their present activities.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
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 they can not consider the effect of
acheiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
 knowledge on their future success and
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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, because they are
emotionaly
Correct your spelling
emotionally
emotional
 creatures
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 reasonable ones. So it is their parent,
s
Correct your spelling
's
 duty to guide them and keep them in the right way. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 playing is essential for the
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of their brains, but it should be restricted somehow. Video
games
Use synonyms
 and TV shows may be constructive and be used as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 for training , but they are usually used as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
children
Use synonyms
 hate to read books and escape academic places
such
Linking Words
 as libraries and schools,
although
Linking Words
 studying is more required to nourish
children
Use synonyms
,
s
Correct your spelling
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 in relation to
games
Use synonyms
 and TV shows.
Therefore
Linking Words
 adults have to find some ways to make reading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books amazing for pupils. In conclusion, limitations are needed to manage the activities
children
Use synonyms
 choose. Fathers and mothers should work on their
children
Use synonyms
 to educate their
children
Use synonyms
 by books,
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting their time on video
games
Use synonyms
 and shows.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In your introduction, clearly state your position. Use body paragraphs to develop your arguments with clear topic sentences and supporting details, and end with a coherent conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your arguments. This helps illustrate your points more concretely and makes your arguments more compelling. If claiming that children are emotional rather than reasonable, for instance, provide a specific example illustrating this point.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next and that ideas within paragraphs are connected with appropriate linking words and cohesive devices. Avoid abrupt transitions or unrelated ideas within the same paragraph.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all aspects of the prompt. While you have provided an overall response to the given topic, a more balanced discussion and consideration of counterarguments could strengthen the argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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