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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the foreign visitor numbers in 3 Vietnamese resorts from 2000 to 2006.

The chart below shows the foreign visitor numbers in 3 Vietnamese resorts from 2000 to 2006.
The given graph illustrates the amount of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from foreign countries
in
Change preposition
to
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 3 resorts in Vietnam between 2000 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Phu Quoc and Mui Ne was on a general upward trend
whereas
Linking Words
 the other resort experienced
a slight downward trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
a slight downward trend
slight downward trends
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 during the timeframe.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 Danang had the most
visitors
Use synonyms
 at the beginning, it was replaced by Mui Ne
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. Looking at the figures in
further
Linking Words
 detail, it can be noticed that in 2000 Danang had the highest number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 at 900 000, before decreasing significantly to 630 000 in 2002 . After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 it kept going down dramatically to 500 000 and just under 360 000 in 2004,
2006
Correct word choice
and 2006
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, respectively. Returning to the remaining
statics
Correct your spelling
statistics
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, it can be observed that Phu Quoc had 500 000
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 rose slightly to 600 000. After increasing to more than 610 000 in 2006, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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witnessed a slow fall to approximately 480 000.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Mui Ne had the lowest point at 300 000
visitors
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 went up to 400 000 in the following year.
This
Linking Words
 figure was to continue for the rest of the given period, at more than 710 000 in 2004, followed by a more significant rise to an
all-time-high
Correct your spelling
all-time high
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 of 920 000 in 2006.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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