IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country betweeen 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mian feartures, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country betweeen 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mian feartures, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given line graphs provide data on the
number
Use synonyms
 of closed and the new-opened stores over a period of 7 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of the period, the
number
Use synonyms
 of shop closures had the highest level,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 happened
atthe
Correct your spelling
at the
 end of the period.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 2013 and 2015 the largest and lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of shop closures
experienced
Add a missing verb
were experienced
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the diagram,
decpite
Correct your spelling
despite
 all fluctuations, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
openning
Correct your spelling
opening
 stores had a significant decrease from 2011 to 2018. In 2011, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
open-stores
Correct your spelling
open stores
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 about 8500 and in 2012 it declined to below 4000
shops
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 from 2012 until
2014
Add a comma
2014,
show examples
 there was a growth in the
number
Use synonyms
 of open
shops
Use synonyms
, but in the following years from 2014 to 2018 the related diagram
fall
Replace the word
fell
show examples
 gradually and reached 3000 opening
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
. The figure related to the shop closures
also
Linking Words
 experienced a slight decline
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the first year. The
number
Use synonyms
 of closing
shops
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 about 6300 in the first year and had a dramatic decrease until 2015,
then
Linking Words
 the downward trend broke and
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 remarkably until 2018 and reached around 5100 closing
shops
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend analysis
  • Fluctuation
  • Shop closures
  • Retail openings
  • Economic conditions
  • Consumer behavior
  • Local economy
  • Business dynamics
  • Commercial landscape
  • Statistical comparison
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Consumer trends
  • Market forces
  • Business cycle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: