IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think there should be free health care for all people, but others disagree. Discuss both sides.

#people #health #care
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Health
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care
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 is a very crucial part of life. In modern medicine today, the
cost
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 of
this
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 service
have
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has
show examples
 become more expensive. In other to prevent an increasing mortality rate, some people are of the view that
this
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 essential
care
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 should be made free for all
while
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 there are
also
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 others
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 disagree with
this
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 prospect. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing both sides. On one hand, from the aspect of those that agree that
health
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 system should be made free for all, the main reason for
this
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 is
as a result
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 of the
cost
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. The treatment of some of these diseases
are
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is
show examples
 very expensive because of
this
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 not all can afford the
care
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.
For example
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, in the treatment of cancer
as a result
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 of the high
cost
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 of medical attention, only those who are financially stable are able to afford the treatment.
Due to
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this
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,
individuals
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 who are in poor financial conditions will prefer to try home remedies or cheaper cures to save
cost
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 thereby aggravating their
health
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 conditions.
Also
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, with the advancement in current medicine comes the increase in regimen charges.
Furthermore
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, with the payment of tax of about 10
percent
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per cent
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 to 30
percent
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per cent
show examples
from
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of
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 salary, some
individuals
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feels
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feel
show examples
 the government should be able to cover all medical expenses since they pay tax fee. In regards, these aforementioned
reasons
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 are why certain
individuals
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 believe
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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care
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services
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 should be made free for all.
On the other hand
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,
due to
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vast
Correct article usage
the vast
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 increase in population growth,
free
Correct article usage
the free
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Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
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 system
of
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apply
show examples
made available will likely affect other sectors of the economy. The government focusing on providing free medical
care
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 for all citizens might put a strain on the government investing well in other sectors like education, transportation etc.
Additionally
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, it has been proven that patients
tends
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tend
show examples
 to often misuse free medical
services
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 when they feel they do not have to pay for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. To illustrate, clients
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are not in need of the
services
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 or the drugs
comes
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come
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 to the hospital extensively, thereby hindering those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are actually in need of the
care
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 from
been
Wrong verb form
being
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 attended to. These
reasons
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 are why some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 are against free
health
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care
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 for all. In conclusion, the
reasons
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 for the agreement with free
health
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care
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 include, the
cost
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 and taxation payment
while
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 the
reasons
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 for the disagreement by certain
individuals
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 include, the strain on other sectors of the economy and the misuse of the
services
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 by those who are not in
neee
Correct your spelling
need
one
 of it.
Submitted by horukotanemmanuel on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should be structured with a clear introduction, fully developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph and use appropriate connectives.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph should explore a central idea in depth. Be sure to avoid general statements, and support your main points with specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that both sides of the argument are discussed, and the essay finishes with a clear opinion (if required by the question). Avoid repeating ideas and make sure the response is fully developed.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points and explain how these examples support your argument. Avoid vague statements and ensure that examples are relevant to the topic and question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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