IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Sales of consumer products show the impact of advertisements, not the needs of people in different societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #products #show #impact #advertisements #people #societies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the current world, the subject of sales ratios between companies in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stiff competition has become increasingly important
due to
 various reasons,
such
 as developing a company or making live it in the market.
However
, Some claim having a good representation of
products
 has the most influence. Some others assert it does not have any effect on sales. I personally agree entirely with the first point of view. Nowadays, the concept of consumerism has become customary. Lavish life has become so common. Lots of big companies strive to sell more
products
. they try to tempt the consumers. These companies use different advertising ploys. They use persuasive convincing
ads
, colourful
ads
, and exaggerated
ads
.
impress
Fix the infinitive
to impress
show examples
 the subconscious mind of
people
. Some
people
 do not pay attention to the
ads
.
For example
, Some
people
 are conservative and
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
 and different
ads
 can not attract their attention. Some social groups have brand loyalty and they just prefer to buy the
products
 from some brands. Some segments of society buy the
products
 impulsively.
However
, I do not find
this
 persuasive because these groups are in the minority. It has been proven that most
people
 have a kind of inclination to pay particular attention to the
ads
.
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of a well-structured response. Make sure to include them in order to properly introduce the topic and summarize the main points at the end.
coherence
Ensure that your essay progresses logically from one point to the next, using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
content
While you have made an attempt to address the question, the response feels incomplete. Expand your main points with more detailed examples and arguments to fully address the topic.
examples
Include more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay currently lacks concrete evidence which is necessary to make your points more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: