IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual‘s responsibility. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #health #care #education #individual‘s #responsibility
Some individuals believe that the
government
 should pay for
health
care
 and
education
 for the residents,
while
 others emphasize that it is solely an individual's responsibility.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe that the
government
 should be accountable for both
health
care
 and
education
. The first reason why the
government
 should pay is that
people
 who work regularly pay a reasonable percentage of their income monthly to different public authorities. They expect these payments to be returned in the form of
services
 from the local authorities.
For example
, working
people
 have regular taxes to pay every month and assume it is allocated for
health
care
 facilities and the
education
 system. Another reason why I believe that it is the
government
's role to spend money on
health
care
 and
education
 is that they have a flexible extended budget that can be used for special types of
services
 that are expensive for a normal person to afford.
For instance
, the authorities have a percentage of their total savings which can fund special needs students in schools
as well as
 cancer patients in hospitals. In conclusion,
although
 some believe that spending on
health
care
 and
education
 is an individual act, I strongly agree that it is the
government
's job as
people
 pay for these
services
 through taxes.
Also
, the
government
 has a large public fund that they can use to help
people
 who need extra
services
,
such
 as students with learning difficulties and cancer patients.
Submitted by hebadyala on

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments supporting the viewpoint that the government should be responsible for health care and education. However, you could reinforce the argument by addressing potential counterpoints and counter-arguments to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Adding more linking phrases can help make your essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points effectively.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are well-supported with relevant examples, making your argument more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay is generally clear and easy to understand, showcasing a good command of language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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