In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In
the
recent Correct article usage
apply
decades
some changes have been brought to human lives by unemployment and Add a comma
decades,
well-developed
education system, making people Correct article usage
a well-developed
to
change their Change the verb form
apply
lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
This
issue causes an
immigration from rural areas to cities. Remove the article
apply
However
, due to
several reasons I firmly believe that it is a negative development which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, an increasing trend of
Change preposition
in
population
may have devastating effects on the environment that Add an article
the population
public
Correct article usage
the public
live
. Realistically, the more inhabitants of urban societies, the more fossil fuel they consume in order to commute. Replace the word
lives
Hence
, a large amount of toxic substances is emitted which decreases the quality of air and results in cardiovascular diseases. For instance
, Tehran have
become overpopulated in Change the verb form
has
the
recent years Correct article usage
apply
that
makes it one of the most polluted metropolises in the world where the pollution indices are extremely harmful most of the time.
Correct pronoun usage
which
Furthermore
, adapting to the new way of living in such
crowded places may be destructive, resulting people
Change preposition
in people
feel
disappointed, Wrong verb form
feeling
get
depressed and Verb problem
apply
become
exhausted to a large extent. Not only should they spend hours Verb problem
apply
on
traffic Change preposition
in
jam
, but Fix the agreement mistake
jams
also
they must inhabit in
apartments which are not as spacious as their previous accommodations in villages. As an example, before moving to Tehran, I Change preposition
apply
accommodated
in a house with a stunning garden and enough space without being concerned about transportation. Unfortunately, nowadays Add a missing verb
was accommodated
in addition
to experience
draining driving to my Wrong verb form
experiencing
workplace
I live in Add a comma
workplace,
cramped
flat Add an article
a cramped
that is
tremendously gloomy.
By the way of conclusion, although
leaving rural areas allows individuals use
well-organized facilities, it is not a positive change Fix the infinitive
to use
because of
several reasons Change preposition
for
such
as air pollution and
some problems like depression and the lack of motivation and some health problems.Correct word choice
apply
Submitted by amansoore48 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Overuse of simple structures can make your essay seem monotonous.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points further with more depth and detail. This will add richness to your essay and make the argument more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Endeavor to link ideas and paragraphs with a variety of cohesive devices. This will help in maintaining the logical flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task to ensure a well-rounded essay. Make sure that each point you make directly relates back to the question.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a mixture of complex structures and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic range and precision.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate and support your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.