IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some people believe that nowsdays, we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #nowsdays #choices
Today I am going to tell you about one of the biggest problems of ecology. It is global warming. The start of
this
 problem was about a hundred years ago. Every ten years temperatures all around the world
was
Change the verb form
were
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 rising about two or three degrees. For
Earth
Add a comma
Earth,
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 it is so big indicator. It can make sea level rise and bad weather conditions. In scientists’s
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 global climate change is greenhouse gases which are the product of human activities. Prevention of global warming is trying to make an ecological union against people who make business which has
by-product
Fix the agreement mistake
by-products such
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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greenhouse gases.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
The essay provided does not answer the proposed question about the abundance of choices available in modern society. Instead, it discusses an entirely different topic which is global warming. It is critical to address the given topic precisely to fulfill the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion format that is needed to logically present an argument or opinion in the IELTS essay task. A recognizable format with an opening statement, supporting paragraphs, and a concluding summary is essential to achieve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The supporting points in the essay are not developed to support an argument related to the topic of having too many choices, as they pertain to global warming instead. In IELTS essays, it is important to develop supporting examples or arguments that directly relate to the topic in question for the essay to be cohesive and structured.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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