IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults who commit crimes. To what extend do you agree or disagree?t

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In
this
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 modern era, youngsters who commit offences should be punished in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar ways
like
Change preposition
as
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 mature people. I do think that younger criminals should
be behaved
Change to the active voice
behave
have behaved
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 less strictly than older offenders. In
this
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eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss the viewpoint and give
relevent
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relevant
 ideas about the issue.
To begin
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 with, young adults are less
matured
Wrong verb form
mature
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 compared to adults
this
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 is why they should not be considered in
same
Correct article usage
the same
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punishedments
Correct your spelling
punishments
punishment
.
Furthermore
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, sometimes they are more susceptible to being afflicted by bad peers or role models.To make an
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, many of them may join
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aggressive gangs,in which they commit a sort of illegal
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 like; smoking,
teasting
Correct your spelling
teasing
testing
tasting
, hijacking and so on.
Therefore
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, the youth should not be punished the same as the grown man who
committing
Wrong verb form
committed
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 the types of offensive words.
Besides
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, less proper guidance and violations from one's parents can be the main reasons for
youngstars
Correct your spelling
youngsters
young stars
 becoming criminals.
In addition
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 , nowadays parents are often busy with work so that they may be involved with some unwanted crimes like stealing something pen,pencil,
sharpner
Correct your spelling
sharpener
 and many more.To explain , punishments must be more flexible for children having
such
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 backgrounds.
Thus
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, in
this
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 way, it is significant to consider their circumstance and why they inevitably commit crimes. In conclusion, if
youngstars
Correct your spelling
young stars
 commit crimes, their lack of responsibility and surroundings should be considered when they are handled by authorities, in order to rehabilitate them effectively. I do believe that age should be considered
while
Linking Words
 punishing because it will help in reducing crime in the society in future.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay needs clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion paragraphs to clearly present the topic of the essay and summarize the main points effectively. Ensure the introduction sets up the discussion and the conclusion brings closure, reflecting your position on the issue.
logical structure
You should make use of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to help the reader follow your argument, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and is logically connected to the overall argument of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Expand on your main ideas by providing more relevant and specific examples to support your argument. The use of more detailed evidence will make your points more convincing and will also help to achieve a higher score in task response.
complete response
To fully achieve the task, ensure that you respond to all parts of the prompt throughout your essay. Your response must also fully address the question, showing a clear position and extending your ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overly simplistic statements and aim to explain your points thoroughly to demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
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