research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improving health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund this research: private companies, individuals or governments?

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Extensive
research
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is needed to discover new medicines or therapies for a disease. For
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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research
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

large amount of
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources

If you don’t want resourses to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

are required, which can only be done by a government.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will try to understand why
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is the case. For a
large scale
Add a hyphen
large-scale

It seems that large scale is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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research
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

project, a huge sum of money and
man power
Correct your spelling
manpower

The word man power seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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are required,
most
Correct word choice
and most

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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often
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can not be
povided
Correct your spelling
provided

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by an
induvidual
Correct your spelling
individual

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or a private player. Meanwhile, a government has a vast capacity to execute a complex and laborious project. Private entities will always be concerned about profit, and try to get back what they have spent on the
research
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, mostly from the
underprivillaged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged

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consumers.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, governments can work
with out
Correct your spelling
without

The word with out seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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a profit in their mind and provide medicines they have developed at a rebated price. It is well known that private industries often flaunt ethical rules and regulations. The chances of a government entity doing so much less.
Correct your spelling
People
Correct your spelling
People

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Pleople
Add the punctuation
Pleople,
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can trust governments to do good for them. In conclusion, it is better to entrust governments with the task of creating new treatments and medicine as they are not profit oriented,
ethical
Correct word choice
or ethical

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have

It seems that the verb has does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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much better
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources

If you don’t want resourses to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.

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Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure, but it lacks clear paragraphing that distinctly separates the introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure that each part of the essay serves its purpose effectively with clear transitional phrases.
Introduction & Conclusion Presence
You have a thesis and a conclusion, but these could be developed further. Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, while the conclusion should effectively summarize and close your argument.
Supported Main Points
Main points are stated but not fully developed. Each paragraph should contain one main idea with explanations, examples, or evidence to fully support it.
Complete Response
While your essay touches on the task's topic, it does not fully explore all parts of the prompt. Make sure to address all aspects of the question and develop a more nuanced argument.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Relevant & Specific Examples
Your essay lacks specific examples to support your claims. Including relevant examples and evidence strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deep understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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