IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or negative thing?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside
At present, suburb dwellers in some nations around the world, are relocating to towns looking for
searching
Verb problem
apply
show examples
jobs and better lives,
however
, the rural society
left
Add a missing verb
is left
show examples
 with fewer people.Personally, I believe that others are benefiting from working and
also
 enjoying their lives in urban areas. First of all, humans who
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 in villages
are facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 challenge of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in their community area,
therefore
,
this
 demands them to move to town in search of greener pastures and money.Moreso, they are working to get capital to support their families through paying them
tutions
Correct your spelling
tuition
, bills and
also
 buying food.An example to illustrate that could be my native country,
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
 population is now dwelling in cities
due to
 plenty of piecework and they receiving good salaries.
Furthermore
, sometimes in urban areas, people
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer to walk to the CBD
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 some activities and in comparison,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who travel from
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 need transport to and from their places.
Hence
,
it is clear that
 urban
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 can
saves
Change the verb form
save
show examples
 transportation costs and use it for other purposes.
Moreover
, life in urban areas it's fast, easy and better as compared to village
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.Human beings in towns are easily accessible to many important things
such
 as banks and government offices and it can be exemplified
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 those in my home city, it's rare to find a bank in
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 but in Central Business District, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 lots of them which means all those who stay in cities can get their pensions and withdraw their money as soon as they can.
This
also
 can
explains
Change the verb form
explain
show examples
 the positive achievements of
such
 families being in urban centres, since they are close to
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of things.
To conclude
, I definitely believe that living in town can be an added advantage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
hence
 it will be easier to make money and get access to everything.
Submitted by cajaah93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is developed fully with explanations and examples.
task achievement
Make sure that all parts of the essay question are addressed and that your opinion is clear throughout.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices to effectively manage the relationships between sentences and paragraphs, so that your ideas flow logically.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and range in your sentence structures to improve the sophistication of your writing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: