Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company.  Others says that older people actually bring more profits.  Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The debate about whether young
people
bring more
profit
to
companies
has become
complicated
Add an article
a complicated
show examples
issue. Some
indivudals
Correct your spelling
individuals
support the younger
generation
bringing
Change preposition
in bringing
show examples
profits,
while
others are on the side of the older
generation
. In my
oponion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, The younger
generation
can keep up with the times and take different risks, but the older
generation
can
also
use
their experience and knowledge. On the one hand, young
people
have more knowledge about innovations and they
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
adaptable to technologies
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can
use
this
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and skills to make
profit
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a profit
show examples
for a corporation. To illustrate, Younger generations can increase their
solution
Add a hyphen
solution-generation
show examples
generation
options by using artificial intelligence.
Furthermore
, it is important to consider taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
that can lead to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
excessive
profit
. Young
community
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communities
show examples
tend to
taking
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take
show examples
risk
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risks
show examples
rather than older
people
due to
the
youth
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youth's
show examples
confidence and energy.
On the other hand
,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
generation
has several
benefical
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beneficial
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
for
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on
show examples
a company
such
as their years of experience and
knowdelge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
of deep industry.
Initially
, old
people
aware
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were aware
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
o company and
industry
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industries
show examples
due to
Correct article usage
the developemnt
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developemnt
Correct your spelling
development
technology
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of technology
show examples
and
world
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the world
show examples
. They can
use
this
awareness to make future predictions.
In addition
, They can increase the
profit
rates of
companies
because they are wisdom that they can
use
for decision-making and strategy development. From my perspective,
Companies
should pay attention
on balance
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to balancing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the enthusiasm and innovation of youth with the wisdom and experience of age, thereby maximizing profits. Both age groups have their own advantages, and these advantages are critical to
companies
' profits.
Submitted by utkankorkmaz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear main idea and the essay progresses logically from introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The introduction should more clearly outline the forthcoming discussion points in the essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and well-explained reasoning.
task achievement
Make use of relevant, specific examples to support your arguments rather than general statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptable
  • Innovations
  • Breakthroughs
  • Deep industry knowledge
  • Mentors
  • Fostering
  • Workforce balance
  • Maximizing profits
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
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