Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports is better like tennis and swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Some in help them to strike up new friendships.
the
society argue that engaging in team-based Correct article usage
apply
sports
,for example
, football is more welcoming than attending other individually played ones .While
I believe both of them are very beneficial, in this
essay I will discuss both sides and explain my support for the first view.
On the one hand, there are numerous advantages to taking part in team-based sports
. Being part of a team would help players
to improve their interpersonal skills.Joining clubs or teams provide them with more chance to communicate with other teammatesCorrect word choice
and
In addition
, these types of sports
is
less boring. Change the verb form
are
For example
, climbing is a sport that involves corporate and the help of other teammates and during these interactions chances of communication or talking face to face makes
athletes share their opinions which can be really exciting for them.
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
On the other hand
, in sports
which are played ,all the achievements are for one person ,and players
do not share their medals. It is important since it is psychologically proved
that Correct your spelling
proven
players
in these kinds of sports
is
more motivated. the source of motivation Change the verb form
are
come
is that one person most would be acclaimed.Verb problem
apply
For example
;e, in football all players
,whether they had a role in matches or regardless of the goals they scored will be claimed to the same extent.
In conclusion, players
in team-based sports
not only can enjoy more but also
can improve other interpersonal skills and find new friends.Submitted by badshashaikh840 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Paragraphs should flow from one idea to the next with appropriate use of linking words and phrases. Organize your ideas effectively to enhance clarity. The logical structure in this essay is somewhat weak with ideas occasionally appearing disjointed. Each paragraph should logically follow the previous one, creating a cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay effectively. Your introduction should clearly state the topic and preview the main ideas you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion. Although present, the introduction and conclusion could be developed further to provide more clarity on your position and summarize your discussion more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Expand and support your main points with detailed explanations, arguments, and examples. Ensure each paragraph contains one main idea and relevant supporting information. The essay provides basic support for the main points, but the examples and explanations lack specificity and depth, which are necessary to fully develop your arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Make sure you discuss both views presented in the prompt and provide a clear opinion. Your essay should offer a balanced discussion of both the benefits of team-based sports and individual sports but tends to focus more heavily on the benefits of team-based sports. Ensure equal attention is given to both views for a complete response.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by exploring the implications, contrasts, or reasons for each point. Broad statements should be avoided in favor of clear and detailed ones that thoroughly answer the question. The ideas in the essay are relevant but not developed comprehensively. More detail and depth would strengthen the ideas presented and help to fully meet the task requirements.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples, data, or hypothetical scenarios can effectively illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing. The essay should have more relevant and specific examples to substantiate the arguments being made rather than the general statements provided.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite